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Ah, spiders. Terrifying buggers, but comedy gold.
Rent, My entire life
wrestlingdog wrote in metaquotes
charliesmum has a valid excuse for getting back late from lunch:

I was leaving my flat just now - I go home for lunch - but when I opened my door, what should I see but a Really Scary Looking Spider, climbing down it's little web rope thingy RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DOOR.

I screamed, jumped back and slammed the door in the spider's face. After catching my breath I checked, but it was still there; just hanging there, looking smug.

Rational Thoughts said, 'just walk past it, it's not like it's going to trap you in its web.'

'OMG SPIDER!' was what I replied.

Rational Thoughts said, 'Just go. Move your feet. Don't let irrational fears get the best of you.'

'Yeah...trying. Feet don't want to move. Spider is laughing at me.'

'Well,' said Rational Thoughts. 'You can't just stand there at the doorway for the rest of the afternoon, you need a plan.'

'I know,' I said, 'I shall squirt it with water. Then it will run back up its rope thingy, and I can run past it before it can leap at me shouting, 'bwaaahahaha, I got you now, Human!'

Water bottle was obtained, door cautiously opened and the plan was put into action.
Spider just climbed up its rope thingy a ways then hung there, shaking off the water droplets and saying, 'oh, look, it's raining. Best finish my web.'

'Seriously,' said Rational Thoughts, 'just get over it. Walk past the spider, head held high, you'll be a better woman for it.'

'I'm trying. I really am. but it's icky and scary and what if the spider gets on me? I'll panic and fall down the stairs! Besides,' I added, pleased to come up with a logical reason to Get Rid of the Spider, 'if I don't make it go away it may climb under the door and bite me when I'm sleeping. Or Charlie. It might bite Charlie. I must protect my son!'

Rational Thoughts just sighed.

Second plan involved grabbing an empty box that was near by and throwing it at the Spider. This was more effective. Web rope broke, and the spider fell to the ground, wherein it crawled toward the box for some reason.

So, naturally, I kicked the box down the stairs, where it is still sitting, because no way am I picking up a box that might have a spider lurking on it.

'I made it past the spider!' I said triumphantly.

'Dude,' Rational Thoughts said, 'you need some serious help.'

Source is an open post, QWP.

ha ha haaaa! poor spider was more like "OMG OMG HUMAN!! go away go away go awaaaaaayyyyy..."

Is it sad that I imagined all this happening in a flailing Super Deformed anime way?
Yes it is.


... that would've been my reaction, too. It doesn't matter how tiny they are, spiders are icky! D:

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I'm afraid of spiders, but while I was weeding out my mom's vegetable patch, there were little green ones all over the place. She was sitting outside and she asked me, "Don't they bother you?"

I had to think for a moment and I decided No. They don't because they are OUTSIDE where they BELONG. If those little green things were INSIDE in my bathroom, in the kitchen, under my bed, then yes. They would bother me a great deal!

I probably would have done the same thing as the metaquote. Thrown an empty box at it, kick the box down the stairs, and run away, hoping the spider got out while I was gone and found its way to the garden.

This made me laugh, hard. I have serious fear of spiders too and faced with that I would've been the same, freaking out.

I never get why so many people lose their shit over spiders like this... I think they're cute. ;-;

Give me snakes, lizards, rodents, bees, no problem, but give me a spider and it's all running and screaming. I blame my father and his fear of spiders. =)

This could have been me today if no one was home. I definitely almost cried though.

I would've screamed, loudly. And called the rest of the day off. Spiders make me do irrational things.

There was a big hairy one in my kitchen sink drain and I poured bleach on it...I chemical burned it to death.

Our spiders are immune to Raid.

the one part i hate about harry potter & the chamber of secrets is the spiders. "follow the spiders, why couldn't it be follow the butterflies?" or something.

You're telling me. I watched the movie one day before I'd read the book at my dad's and brother's suggestion.

I think I threatened them with death for not warning me about GIANT FUCKING SPIDERS.

I believe I've had this exact same conversation with my Rational Thoughts a time or two...

In short: I loled.

I've had this conversation a few times with my rational thoughts. I've also had the 'The spider is clearly dead, it hasn't moved for months and you just squished it with a plate to make sure, why won't you touch it?''Because it might be faking!' a time or two with myself.

I feel OP on this because yesterday I accidentally ate an earwig and spent the next ten mins flailing and screaming

Eww. I just flailed and semi-screamed. I'm still wincing and trying not to retch.

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Um..yeah, I kinda threw a text book through a door once because I took my coat of the hook on the back of the door and there was a HUGH f**king spider behind it...
the look I got from the landlord when I explained why I needed a new door. [it was a rather large and heavy hardback text book].

I did try explaining it was a very big spider, which kind of left him wonder just how big, given that it scared this 6ft hairy scary-looking biker dude...[i.e me.]

Okay, now that got me laughing way harder than the OP. Feel you, feel you so bad.

Spiders don't bother me. They keep my home free of other creepy crawlies. If anything, I should be annoyed with them. There was a palmetto bug crawling on my couch yesterday. The spiders clearly aren't doing their job and killing off the cockroach population in the appropriately genocidal fashion.