Yes, I Have One (supremegoddess1) wrote in metaquotes,
Yes, I Have One

  • Mood:

They're so uncute at that age...

supremegoddess instructs on age-appropriate birthday parties:

Hosting a birthday party for your child, ages 1-12 in ten easy steps:

1. Choose a theme.

2. Buy invitations, cups, plates, napkins, spoons, tablecloths, balloons, streamers, games, party favor bags, party favors, and prizes to fit the theme. Get a class list from your child's nursery or school, and send each child an invitation to insure no hurt feelings.

3. Order a cake to match the theme, and buy drinks, ice cream and treats. Don't forget candles! Also, pick up some drinks and finger food for the parents that inevitably will stay on to watch the little darlings enjoy themselves.

4. Graciously welcome each child and their parent into your home. Herd the children into the designated party area and keep them each busy with an ice-breaker game like Pin The Tail On The Donkey, Twister, or Pop the Balloon. If there are any conflicts between children, by all means DO NOT raise your voice to someone else's child or physically restrain them in any way. Stand by patiently with a slight "no means no" frown on your face and in a sweet voice say things like, "No no sweetie" and "Be nice to your guests sugar" while the other mothers watch their child pull your child's hair, poke their eyes, and hit them.

5. Go through half of the entertainment you have planned. Notice that it is only 15 minutes into the 2 hour party and realize you didn't plan enough activities. Try to slow things down with a video.

6. Present opening time! Have a trashbag handy for wrapping paper... the bows will be grabbed by the kids. Have a box or bag handy for hiding the presents in once opened... out of sight out of mind. Prepare yourself to wrestle the gifts away from each child.

7. Cake and ice cream! Dish it out. Stand back.

8. Hand out party favor bags as each child and parent leave. Thank them so much for coming, the gift was your child's favorite by far, you could tell! Remember: Keep track of who gifted what so you know how much to spend on their child when it's their birthday.

9. Give your child their presents. Clean while they break and or lose them all.

10. Relax, party's over!

Hosting a birthday party for your child, ages 13 and up in ten easy steps:

1. Take your child to the store with you and sit down on the benches up front while he or she shops for party supplies like snacks, drinks, and balloons. DON'T just give them the credit card to pay for it, they will sneak something in. They always do.

2. Ask your child how many people they are inviting. Try not to panic when the number escalates exponentially every day. Breathe deeply. It's oooookay.

3. Let your child and one to three friends decorate for the party while you pick up a cake (plain white, no decorations on it, what are you trying to do, kill them with embarrassment?

4. Watch as each guest shows up and disappears into "the room". You will not see anyone for the entire duration of the party unless they come out to go to the restroom. HEAVEN FORBID YOU SHOULD PEEK IN... what are you trying to do, kill them with embarrassment?

5. Do NOT dance or sing along with any of the music you hear coming from "the room". what are you trying to do, kill them with embarrassment?

6. ...

7. ...

8. Listen for car horns outside and yell, "Someone's mom or dad is here!" when you hear it. Do NOT try to chat with the parents who do come to the door, what are you trying to do, kill them with embarrassment?

9. Tell your child to clean up before they do anything else.

10. Relax, party's over!

QWP (locked entry), Context can't wait until they have kids of their own.

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