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a Very Logical Solution to the problem of defining "virgin"
T7_Sakura Seme
askerian wrote in metaquotes
(...) You know, I read once that the Ancient Egyptians, in their hieroglyphs about dismembered gods and weirdly erotic poetry, don't seem to have had a word for virgin. The concept doesn't feature in the work they handed down to us. Marriage features, divorce features, infidelity features, but they don't seem to have really devoted the energy to a word that meant a person who's never had sex. I like that. I seriously do. It's fun for me to just contemplate. What is a culture like if they don't have a word for virginity? Well, like the Ancient Egyptians, and I don't think I would want to go back there, but as a thought experiment, it's still cool. And a part of me wishes we could be like that. We could just do away with the word. We could look at the concept being something of note as silly. Can you imagine that? Talking to someone like that?

"Hey, are you a virgin?"

"A what?"

"Y'know, someone who hasn't had sex yet?"

"Oh? With who?"

That would rock.

"With anyone!"

"Well, it looks like I'm going to stay a virgin with you."

Yeah, that would be awesome. Of course, that's not going to happen. Hell, even if I did have the ability to erase vocabulary and concepts from our language and culture, as stupid as virginity is, it wouldn't be in my top three. It probably wouldn't be in the top ten. With words like "uppity" floating around out there, virginity is probably pretty safely ensconced behind the frontline, where no one is going to attack and get rid of it.

But that's okay. Because I have found a resolution to my angst over being a virgin, or not, or being one again (...because let's face it, if you get your virgin card back if you go too long without a visit to the Department of Sex With Other People, I should be getting mine in the mail any day now), and I think it's a pretty happy one. So here it is: If you have seen Labyrinth, then you are not a virgin. In fact, if you've seen Labyrinth, then you never were a virgin. It's the power of David Bowie's Area that, even through a recording, even in a family friendly movie, it can reach out and completely burn your virginity from the fabric of space and time. If you ever will see the movie Labyrinth, then you're not a virgin on credit, because your virginity will be retroactively destroyed in the future. In short, the moment that David Bowie appeared in that movie, in those tights, his Area became super powered, and devirginized the entire world. Such is the great and dangerous strength of The Area. The only reason that no true sequel to Labyrinth has been made is because the Jim Henson Co. feared what they might unleash on the world next time. First our virginities, next time... the world? We might all have been reduced to some kind of hedonistic goblin orgying post-apocalyptic society. The Area is a true Pandora's Box. Virginity was only one casualty to its influence.

Oh, c'mon. You have to admit, it makes as much sense as anything.

sarolynne hates the concept of "virgin".

Wow, that took a heck of a left turn in the last paragraph.

All hail the Bowie Area!

o_o the unexpected ending makes it all worthwhile.

Hate to say it but there was NOTHING innocent in that movie.

Not even Toby.

Yeah. I said it. Not even Toby.

Have you seen how hot he grew up to be?! It's ridiculous.

it can reach out and completely burn your virginity from the fabric of space and time

*cackles and chews own bicep*


My local grocery store sells cheap DVDs, and they have Labyrinth in the "Children's Movies" section on the bottom kid-accessible shelf. Right next to Corpse Bride.

I suspect whoever stocks that section has seen neither of them.

I would suspect so as well, because I've SEEN "Corpse Bride". And loved it to ittybitty pieces. :-D

And it isn't a children's movie. Not to my mind anyway.

The person who put it there probably would stick "ANTZ" there too, even though that is SO not a kid's movie. Nope. Not even close.

Am I the only one who saw the link and heard the nuns from The Sound of Music singing "How do you solve a problem like a virgin?"

("A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!" indeed.)

Most disturbing icon/comment pairing ever. O_O

Warning - not very funny

(I really hope it won't sound like an "unhumorous whining". I understand that "solution" is more or less tongue-in-cheek. I apologise to Sarolinne, askerian and moderators for making it a Srz Bzns.)

I never cared about this thing called "virginity". Never understood why people are so bent on precerving it by any means (unless they're asexual, but then this has nothing to do with "virginity" by itself) or losing it as soon as possible - but I don't doubt that it's their right. And, well, if they are *really* want to lose it - it's their right to decide for themselves who or what is going to "de-virginize" them.
And here's my problem with Sarolinne's "solution".

I've seen The Labyrint a million times, but paid no attention to "Area" whatsoever until I got to the internet and found out that some people are swooning over Jareth's crotch. Okay, so he has penis. It happens. Even with fantasy creatures. Why should I care?
"Area" has no power over me. Sorry.
And I'm not asexual - just not "penis-sexual". I'm even Bowie's fan. And Jareth's fan - just not his crotch's fan... It dooes nothing to me.
*And it certainly didn't take away that thing/concept I couldn't care less about*.
If anyone wants to be metaphorically deflowered by Jareth - I'm cool with that (as long as I don't have to read their suefics). But for me, "If you have seen Labyrinth, then you are not a virgin" and "his Area became super powered, and devirginized the entire world" sounds more like a threat than a "resolution to angst" that author intended. Because we don't talk about breaking your hymen by falling from horse or something like that. It's all about The Memetic Cock. All of the other animal...
"The entire world" didn't give its consent. I can't help being squicked. I'm sorry.

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The man who fell to earth.................... UN CODPIECED AREA.

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Edited at 2009-08-09 01:35 pm (UTC)


She pretty much said the same thing. XD Something about 60% of people losing their virginity by watching David Bowie.

What if you've watched Labyrinth and the second season of the Venture Bros.?

Sweet. Now I don't have to bitch about being 21 and the only one of my friends who is still a virgin. Thanks, David Bowie!


And I love that movie. Lots.
Enough that when I made a collage for the front of my knitting binder, I included a picutre of Jareth and Sarah staring lovingly into each other's eyes..cut into a heart shape.

</small>Of course, on the back there is also a picture of Vincent from Beauty and the Beast with the word 'scruffy' over it.</small>

Metaquotes: It's all about the Bowiepants. (When it's not about, er, bees.)

Edited at 2009-08-10 03:18 pm (UTC)

We need a movie with both David Bowie and Tim Curry.

The world needs a movie with both David Bowie and Tim Curry.