This city is TOO DAMN BIG.
See, on the East Coast, we mostly build UP when we need more room. Build a skyscraper, because you sure ain't gonna spread out laterally. Everything's so tight-packed out East that there's no possibility of urban sprawl.
Houston, on the other hand, sprawls across the landscape like a lazy and possibly overweight cat in a July sunbeam. It is shameless. Literally, during descent to landing, I thought to myself "oh no no, that's ridiculous, clearly it's got to go."
Also, while I have seen very little of the city itself on the personal scale, I'd like to posit that only 90% of the people here are pudgy gentlemen wearing tan sportcoats, bolo ties, white ten gallon hats to cover massive baldness, and a constantly-lit cigar (yes, you wear them, shut up). This is a step down from the 110% estimate previously held.
Off to put coffee in me, which, given my location, I suspect will contain at least marginal traces of beef and/or barbecue sauce. Pray for Mojo.
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