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Lightning is just God's way of warning you where Toshiro Mifune is.
Badass, Mifune, Bold (Mifune)
chebutykin wrote in metaquotes
pseudomanitou has decided that the world needs a new Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris is so full of crap. All his right-wing bullshit, and he wouldn't even have a career if not for a Chinese immigrant (Bruce Lee). The internet needs a better hero.


Toshiro Mifune facts (feel free to try to add your own):

1. Mt. Fuji was formed when Toshiro Mifune piled up all the bodies of his enemies.
2. The attacks on Pearl Harbor were not Toshiro Mifune's idea. If they had been, the plans would have only consisted of Toshiro Mifune cutting the tops off the Hawaiian volcanoes.
3. Toshiro Mifune loves corrupt military regimes -- he eats one for breakfast every morning.
4. What you call 'orbit' is actually the force of Toshiro Mifune's charisma drawing objects closer at the same time as he intimidates them away.
5. You do not have a girlfriend, you have a woman Toshiro Mifune hasn't met yet.

6. Jail is where they put criminals to be safe from Toshiro Mifune.
7. All truly evil people in the world have already been cut in half by Toshiro Mifune -- it was just such a clean slice that they haven't noticed yet.
8. Toshiro Mifune does not sleep, he graciously gives the world time to recover.
9. Toshiro Mifune is so fast, people have yet to notice we're not born bald, or Toshiro Mifune's hobby of shaving the scalps of newborn babies.
10. Japan needs no nuclear weapons, Japan has Toshiro Mifune.
11. Horse tranquilizers were actually first made to slow Toshiro Mifune down so Akira Kurosawa could catch him on film.
12. Toshiro Mifune's dojo is in the Bermuda Triangle -- mystery solved.
13. Toshiro Mifune invented sushi after a great white shark tried to attack him.
14. An attack on Toshiro Mifune is considered 'assisted suicide'.
15. Toshiro Mifune needs no blender to prepare his smoothies.
16. If you see a video tape of Toshiro Mifune angry, you will die in seven days (note -- you are safe to watch movies that have Toshiro Mifune, he was only ACTING like he was angry).
17. When things travel fast enough to break the sound barrier, the sonic boom is actually Toshiro Mifune grunting in approval.
18. Japan never had an emperor, that was actually just Toshiro Mifune's personal assistants.
19. Toshiro Mifune has had only one pet his entire life -- perhaps you have heard of it: Godzilla.
20. The power rangers are actually just piloting Toshiro Mifune's childhood toys.
21. Toshiro Mifune will cut you so bad -- your tombstone will split in two after they bury you.
22. Only blood would dare to rain on Toshiro Mifune.
23. All the world's confetti was made when Toshiro Mifune was attacked by a forest.
24. There was no Big Bang, that was when Toshiro Mifune hatched.
25. Contrary to belief, the word 'Justice' came from the name of Toshiro Mifune's sword.
26. Dinosaur meat tasted good to Toshiro Mifune; 'nuff said.
27. All nails come from when Toshiro Mifune takes a piss.
28. Toshiro Mifune makes his tea by first chopping the water from the tea leaves, then boiling the water with an angry stare.
29. Toshiro Mifune's blade can occupy the same quantum space as other matter.
30. There are no real pine trees -- only oak trees that Toshiro Mifune practiced his billion-leaf-cuts technique on.
31. The word 'bullet' is actually the Babylonian word for when Toshiro Mifune pokes you.
32. All heavy metal music is the accumulation of musicians trying to emulate the sound of Toshiro Mifune sharpening his blades with his teeth.
33. Technically, Toshiro Mifune does not cut anything -- reality simply gives way to his sword.
34. There is no Global Warming. It is simply the heat simmering from Toshiro Mifune's rage at your polluting/non-recycling bullshit. Seriously, ride a bike or carpool to work before he kills us all.
35. Taco Bell gets all their shredded fixings from driving animals and produce trucks through Toshiro Mifune's driveway.
36. Stonehenge was formed when a meteorite almost fell on Toshiro Mifune's head.
37. All steel is the product of the world's iron ore being fed to Toshiro Mifune... I'll skip the details.
38. The world's first samurai were actually the sperm of Toshiro Mifune.
39. Lightning is just God's way of warning you where Toshiro Mifune is.
40. Toshiro Mifune has only three settings: drunk, disapprove, dismember.

...there are so much more, but I must risk offending Toshiro Mifune and get back to work.

Also -- Toshiro Mifune is not dead, he is just lying in wait for an opponent who is good enough.


Context is flocked. QWP

I would agree with this nom.

I dunno, I'm more partial to Segata Sanshiro m'self.

I mean, dude gets his powers from a freakin' video game console, he can make people explode with his bare hands, and you just know that rocket didn't kill him.

He's probably chilling on some distant planet right now, teaching the inhabitants the mystic ways of the Saturn. With their alien technology, they will improve it to the point that is the equal - nay, superior! - to any console seen on Earth. Then, Segata will make his glorious return to Earth with the true sequel to Ecco: The Tides of Time, a followup to Skies of Arcadia, and of course a Sonic game that is better than mediocre.



I'm down for a new Chuck. :D

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These are fabulous! Now I really want to have a Mifune movie marathon. Which is super fun to say.

I always thought Titus Pullo would be a good candidate.

After all, there are no such things as volcanos; Titus Pullo just got shortchanged at a tavern in Pompeii.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those with tongues and those who have pissed off Titus Pullo.

I'm down with Mifune replacing Chuck Norris. =)
33. Technically, Toshiro Mifune does not cut anything -- reality simply gives way to his sword.
34. There is no Global Warming. It is simply the heat simmering from Toshiro Mifune's rage at your polluting/non-recycling bullshit. Seriously, ride a bike or carpool to work before he kills us all.
These two TOTALLY made my day! The first is just so ultimately Zen, and the second is a wonderful rebuttal to Norris's fuitbatnutbarhasbeen malarkey. =)

41. The only being Toshiro Mifune and Chuck Norris fear is Bruce Lee.

I say, let's go with a real badass.

Bruce Lee is not dead, he just got bored and decided to take a nap.

Pray you are not around when he wakes up.

Only three settings, however some can be simultaneously selected.

I support this message. Someone get this shit on /b/ and bring it all the way.

Not me, though. Last time I went there, I was blind for three days.

28 to 34 are epic wins. :D

'bout time Chuck Norris was kicked out. I never saw any of his movies/tv shows.

I really do recommend Invasion: USA. It's so unbelievably over the top. How do we know the bad guys are evil? They bazooka a bunch of homes on Christmas Eve. And they do this right after a little girl puts the star on the top of the Christmas tree. :*D

Toshiro Mifune doesn't make movies; he makes instructional videos. But nobody has ever survived his training course.

The Elder Gods aren't sleeping; they've all been beaten unconscious by Toshiro Mifune. The Bloop was Toshiro Mifune punching Cthulhu in the face.

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