The good news is that I finally got my visitor; the bad news is that I finally got my visitor. I feel like crap and I think it is so unfair that women have to go through this. Men don't have to deal with anything. Women are supposed to shave every square inch of hair off their bodies except for what's on their heads, and that hair is supposed to be gorgeous. We have to go through this biological, reproductive hell every month and in order to keep this planet stocked with jerks and idiots we have to carry big sacks of human around in our guts for almost a year and then shove them through our loins in a Houdini-like manner that makes me vomit just thinking about it. We have to wear bras and high heels and pantyhose and makeup and anything that looks good on us is uncomfortable. A man can look nice in a loose shirt and pants but he still whines about having to wear a tie. Try wearing metal around your chest that pokes into your sternum, you little bitch. Men whine about shaving their faces. Try shaving your entire body and still having that not be good enough, so that you have to pour hot wax on it and rip it off at the root. Try keeping your temper when you spend half an hour manicuring your nether regions only to have a guy tell you they "really prefer a racing stripe". The next guy who tells me that is getting tied up, bent over, and having hot wax poured down his ass crack and ripped off with the bedsheets. How's that for a racing stripe, jerk?! A nice, red, irritated racing stripe that chafes. Oh, and also: the next guy that tells me he thinks I'd really like anal sex if I'd just give it a try because his ex-girlfriend liked it or whatever, is going to have to prove it to me by getting his own ass reamed by some other guy. You don't like that? Well, neither do I. Either go hang out on the set of Deliverance or shut up about it. And all those guys who claim they prefer women who don't wear makeup? Take a look in your next issue of Maxim or Playboy and tell me how many chicks in there aren't wearing any makeup. Have you ever seen celebrity women in the tabloids without makeup? They look just as bad as the rest of us. What you want is a girl who wears minimal makeup. Get a clue. All the pretty women you drool over wear makeup, you clods. At least back in the day, men went out and earned the money and did the hard work when it came to courting a woman; these days, we make more money than you do and you're all such pussies we have to ask you out and always make the first move. If a guy ever kissed me first instead of the other way around, I think I'd die of shock. Come on, guys. Do something.
Sorry. My ovaries are rebelling.