Jackie (jackie) wrote in metaquotes,
Jackie
jackie
metaquotes

harmer channels Shakespeare laced with internet-induced rage...

Love, Hate, eBay: a play by Jaime.

Act I
Time: July 2008.
Jaime: I desire mine self a cord for mine router. Where shall I find such an object? Ah yes, eBay.
eBay: Jaime! Within my virtual walls, I possess thy proper electrical cord of your desires! Oh please purchase me and I will be forever yours in the snowy hills of Iqaluit!
Jaime: SOLD!

Act II
Time: August 2008.
Jaime: Oh AC adapter, wherefore art thou in the vast wilderness of the Americas of North?
eBay: Here beith your tracking number, surely you can locate its whereabouts!
Jaime: Perhaps, but alas! I am too busy right now to search for thy adapter!

Act III
Time: October 2008
Jaime: Thy wicked AC adapter hath still not arrived to my cursed post office box! What ever is the matter!
eBay: Here beith your tracking number, surely you can locate its whereabouts!
Jaime: Thine tracking number reveals its journey has not made it past Newth Jerseyth.
eBay: [silence]

Act IV
Time: Later in October.
Jaime: Where beith mine AC adapter?
eBay: [silence]

Act IV
Time: November 2008.
Jaime: AC ADAPTER! WHERE THE FUCKING ART THOU?!
eBay: I would love to assist you, dear Jaime, but thy AC adapter is nowhere to be found and alas, I cannot help you any further! But please return to mine shoppe for more discounted items your highness shall never receive!
Jaime: You have foresaken me!

ACT V
Later in November.
eBay: Jaime, did thy AC adapter ever make it to your cursed doorstep?
Jaime: NOITH I SAY.
eBay: Oh! Well since it be St. Thansksgiving eve, I would not desire ye to be unhappy for such a momentus day of feasting and cameraderie! Here be a new AC adapter, free of chargeth!
Jaime: But Canada's day of St. Thanksgiving--whateverth. Thank ye!

THE END.

Context is locked, but QWP. :D
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