"[...but if I *was* put in charge of what excites all humans,] I can tell you I would have tons of fun with that job."
You know, when you get right down to it, it seems pretty obvious that somebody already *did.*
I mean, it's hard to tell sometimes through all the hormones, once you hit puberty, but sex, as it is right now, is just really damn silly, and more than a little gross. Smashing stubby hairy body parts around inside of wrinkly hairy body parts, food orifices in proximity to excrement orifices, grunting and straining and O-face and sweat and funny smells and sloshy noises... A person would look a hell of a lot less stupid doing the Macarena in a paisley sarong, quite frankly.
The fact that we as a species find it such a delightful pastime and, even more, such an entertaining spectator sport, just makes me suspect that someone somewhere is having one *massive* laughing fit at our expense.
(Fuck him anyway, though - I bet he doesn't have half as much fun.)
Context contains caricatured porn- click at thine own risk. QWP.