In less retarded news, there's a church I pass on my way to the vet. Their sign currently reads SPRING IS GOD'S WAY OF TELLING US HE LOVES US. Like most church sign sentiments, it's cute and pithy and totally falls apart under any kind of critical analysis. To whit: ok, so spring is God giving us a big smooch. What does that make winter, pray tell? God's way of telling us I WILL CUT A BITCH? God's way of saying I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD AND I CAN TAKE YOU OUT OF IT? Because, really, spring is, under this stream of thought, really just God saving us from Himself, no? I mean, spring is just saving us from winter, right, AND GOD MADE WINTER?
To me, this means God is, at best, a Munchausen-by-proxy parent, eternally putting us into peril only to snatch us back, so He can remind us how good we have it and how great He is. But really, the only threat is God, right?
What a lovely sentiment for a church to share with us. SPRING IS GOD'S WAY OF EXHIBITING VIOLENT AND UNPREDICTABLE MOOD SWINGS, AIMING TO PUNISH YOU WITH COLD WEATHER, A LOUSY SELECTION OF PRODUCE, AND FROSTBITE ONE MOMENT AND THEN SHOWERING YOU WITH SUNSHINE, WILDFLOWERS, AND BABY ANIMALS THE NEXT.
QWP, Context is perfectly funny but you guys will wank it anyway. Have some milk.