Firerose Arien (firerosearien) wrote in metaquotes,
Firerose Arien

spatialrift47 offers a Passover Primer for the uninitiated

--> Matzah

If bread is a staple, matzah is folding the corners of the pages over. The story goes that when the Jews left Egypt, they didn't have time to let the bread rise -- so they took it with them unleavened. As a Jew who has been forced out of sheer necessity to eat the stuff for a week once every year, I naturally can't stand it. I'd rather eat the cardboard it comes in. Of course, gentiles love matzah, because they're not forced to eat it and only it in lieu of tasty, tasty bread.

--> Gefilte fish

Another traditional Passover food, gefilte fish is made from carp. I remember this primarily from a book I read as a child involving a carp being raised in a bathtub, followed by the bittersweet decision to turn the fish into food. I think it was bittersweet because they put soy sauce on it or something. Being a vegetarian, I haven't eaten it myself in many years. But, as a Jew, I can tell you -- but only if you keep this in strictest confidence -- that it tastes ... like fish.

---> Macaroons

Delicious, delicious chunks of goodness. Macaroons are my default snackage during Passover. Often made with coconut and chocolate -- two delicious ingredients that really should be included with many more foods.

--> Chocolate Leben

Nectar of the GODS, my friends. Imagine a cross between the lightest, most delicate chocolate mousse you can imagine, and the rich, full texture of yogurt. It's made of win and milky goodness.

--> Matzah Pizza

Matzah Pizza is one of the recipes involving matzah that I actually enjoy. It's exactly what it sounds like. The reason it works is that the tomato sauce softens the matzah, making this just like a foccacia pizza, for example. The other recipe with matzah that I like is ...

--> Matzah Brei

Basically, this is small chunks of matzah scrambled with eggs. Do NOT try this one at home unless you have a certified Jewish grandmother to help you.

--> Passover Noodles

Let's get the icky ones out of the way. There exists a substance called "matzah meal", which is used as a substitute for normal dough in bread-based products. Sometimes it works, as with macaroons and certain cakes. In other cases, such as any "Kosher for Pesach" noodles you might see, it very much doesn't. If you see these "noodles" anywhere, run. Run far away as fast as you can. And hope and pray with every fiber of your being that you do not encounter the only offender worse than the noodles ...

--> Passover cereal

"Abomination" is an insufficient word to describe the unholy creation that is Passover cereal. If you ever want to know how it would feel to eat a bowl of cement before it solidifies in your stomach? Eat Passover cereal.

--> Grape soda

Okay, so this isn't a Passover food. But, I did rediscover it when I bought something to drink on the drive home, and therefore I rediscovered my love for this artificially sweet, sweet beverage. L'chaim!

Context could part the sea with his staff collection

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