He undresses with vigor, pushing me down onto the bed, and I cringe a little at the contrast between his hairy belly and a pair of too-tight BVDs. We're in Chile, mind you, and tighty-whiteys never went out of style here.
But when the man-panties come off, the cringe turns into a full-blown flinch.
This is the smallest "man" I have ever seen, and here he is, pulling this dom/aggressor attitude like he's Rocco Sifredi's Chilean cousin.
Of course, it's much too late to stop this trainwreck, so I let him sink his little 2" stub into my nethers, putting up just enough of a facade to get him to climax (and get things OVER with). An hour later, and he's trying to rile me up for round two, but this time he's condomless.
"¿Dónde está el condón?" I ask.
He looks around stupidly, still in a haze from our insane drinking binge, and plucks the used condom from earlier off the floor. I stare in horror as he tries to slip it back on his pedo-grade nubbin'.
"Uhhh... no voy a usar el mismo condón."
"No tengo ningún otro."
"Pues... no podemos culear."
No way am I going to fuck this crazy, dickless pedagogue without a condom, so we both roll over and pass out, him with a little more reluctance.
The next morning arrives, and the sun is like a fucking drillbit in my retinas.
I am hungover as FUCK.
Tremoring with the poison of the previous night's libations, I look over across the wood-paneled floor and see... a kitten.
A kitten... eating a used condom.
...you've got to be fucking kidding me.
I groan and swipe at Pedro's cat, trying to snag the dirty latex from his teeth, but all I get is bitten. HARD. One more attempt, and the little fucker is actually drawing blood from me. And I am way too hungover for this.
I swear in English and roll back over into bed, convinced that I am hallucinating. And when I wake up an hour later, still hungover as shit, both the kitten and the condom are MIA. Pedro is eager for me to leave. Apparently he forgot to tell me about his girlfriend.
So I forget to tell him about the cat.
Context is burying Pedro's cat.