Yes, I Have One (supremegoddess1) wrote in metaquotes,
Yes, I Have One
supremegoddess1
metaquotes

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Hail to Orland...er, the Chief

crevette is going to run for President:

Due to the complete and utter lack of any politician of any worth, I am hereby running for president of these United States in the newly formed MILF party

.....

Religion in government: Listen, I'm going to be honest here (since I am not a politician yet, this is A-OKAY) and say that I fully intend to inject religion into the government. When elected, we're going to have the biggest Beltane celebration right on the White House lawn. I'm talking HUGE bonfires and a whole herd of cattle driven in between them to burn away the evil and bring a bright and fertile year. I intend to have the rose garden available for couples who want to celebrate and bring blessings and ferility to the country at large. Please avoid crushing the tulips, though.

.....

Also, genetically mutated giant hampsters on big-ass wheel running turbines. They'll work for peanuts. Lots and lots of peanuts, but why shouldn't we let nature's most worthless creature--the protein equivalent of a Cheese doodle--actually have a purpose past being a quick midnight munchee for a predator.

Orlando Bloom: My position on him is pretty hard to pin down. It's an ever changing and evolving thing. It goes from Missionary to Doggie to Backwards cowboy to Downward Dog and so forth and so on as the day progresses.

.....

Now, down to brass tacks:

As a politician, it isn't a question of my being corrupt. That's a given. The question will be HOW corrupt am I? What are my motivations and what will work the most to get you what you want?

To ease things and streamline the process, I therefore give you the following "suggested giving guide": (pls to note that money is not on here as money is gauche)

Starbucks latte = five minutes of face time.

Lots of lattes = Lots of face time.

My own personal barista and drive through = Night in the Lincoln bedroom.

Complete DVD set of Good Eats = Ambassadorship to someplace sucky but not too, too dangerous.

Dinner prepared by Alton Brown = High level face to face meetings to discuss you getting out of that sucky but not too, too dangerous ambassadorship.

Personal cooking lessons with Alton Brown = Ambassadorship to someplace nice.

Personal cooking lessons with Alton Brown while having Neil Gaiman read "American Gods" at the same time = Cabinet post.

Phone call from Orlando Bloom = I will let you look at the red button.

Meeting with Orlando Bloom = I will let you fondle the red button.

Sexual act with Orlando Bloom, not including oral gratification = I will declare war on a small oil producing country.

Sexual act with Orlando Bloom, including oral gratification = I will nuke anyone you want, any time you want. If Orlando is especially 'giving' you can earn extra nukes to use at your discretion.


QWP, Context is not a crook.
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