I am working on a computer keyboard that is clearly about twenty-seven years old. Most of the letters have rubbed off, and the patterns in which they have done so are almost entirely in accordance with the letters' Scrabblic value. With the exception of C and V, which are low-use and therefore high-value letters in the English language, but which are constantly used on a computer keyboard because of the Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V commands, the only letters that are left are Q (10 points), Z (10 points), X (8 points), J (8 points), K (5 points), W (4 points), Y (4 points), half of H (4 points) and half of P (3 points)...
AND THEN THERE IS A RANDOM U. WHAT THE HELL. I have ALWAYS KNOWN that U is a TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE SCRABBLE LETTER BECAUSE NO ONE EVER USES IT AND YET IT IS ONLY WORTH ONE POINT. I do not CARE that it is a vowel. IT IS A CRAPPY VOWEL. NO ONE EVER USES IT. I AM CONSTANTLY GETTING STUCK WITH HUGE EXCESSES OF U'S ON MY RACK AND I DON'T EVEN GET ANY POINTS TO MAKE UP FOR IT. IT IS A TRAVESTY, THAT. And now my computer keyboard is providing PROOF POSITIVE that the Scrabble game is WRONG WRONG WRONG in its U-point assignation. This is extremely serious. I believe I deserve significant compensation, numbering at least in the thousands of dollars, for the emotional suffering and strain I have undergone over my Scrabble-playing years as a result of this grave error.
I need to write to Hasbro posthaste and include a picture of this keyboard and tell them YOU JUST GO RIGHT NOW AND MAKE THE U BE WORTH AT LEAST FOUR POINTS IMMEDIATELY, MY COMPUTER KEYBOARD SAYS YOU HAVE TO. I have no doubt that they will listen to me. This is just common sense.
slammerkinbabe | context | public