Eowyn of Rohan (astridsdream) wrote in metaquotes,
Eowyn of Rohan
astridsdream
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This is pretty goddamn hilarious.

The Harry Potter Timeline, as recorded by peterchayward

1990: JK Rowling, sitting on a train, comes up with the idea for the Harry Potter series of books.
1995: The first in the series is finished. Rowling starts shipping it around to publishers.
1997: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone ("Sorceror's Stone" in America) is published.
1998: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is published. Fanfiction.net is founded.
1999: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is published.
2000: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is published.†
2001: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and Quidditch Through the Ages are published. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone ("Sorceror's Stone" in America) is released, a film based on the novel of the same name.
2002: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is released, a film based on the novel of the same name. Fanfiction.net bans pornographic fanfiction.
2003: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is published.†
2004: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is a released, a film based on the novel of the same name.
2005: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is published.† Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is released, a film based on the novel of the same name.
2006: JK Rowling wins a award for "Best hat" at the 2006 Olympic Games in Turin, Italy.
2007: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the final book in "The Original Seven" is published.† The original five copies of The Tales of Beedle the Bard are hand-written by JK Rowling, and given to friends. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is released, a film based on the book of the same name. "Strikethrough 2007" occurs, with Livejournal banning numerous users for having posted pornographic fan-illustrations of Harry Potter characters.
2008: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is released, a film based on the novel of the same name.
2009: JK Rowling reveals that the judges were bribed, and returns her award for best hat.
2010: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released, a film based on the novel of the same name. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences experiment with having the Academy Awards (or "Oscars") decided by popular vote. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows sweeps the field, winning a record 19 Oscars.*
*The film lost only in 6 categories: Best Documentary Feature, Best Documentary Short Subject, Best Foreign Language Film, Best Original Song, Best Animated Short Film, Best Live Action Short Film. Interestingly, despite having only background music, the film won "Best Original Musical".
2011: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences return to the traditional award system.
2012: JK Rowling sells the rights to her publishers, to publish a sequel series of novels, following the lives of Harry's children in Hogsmeade Primary school. Interested authors include Daniel Handler**, Eoin Colfer, Terry Pratchett, and Steven King.
**Best known under his pen-name, Lemony Snicket.
2013: Dan Brown wins the rights to write the books, tentatively named Hogwarts: The Next Generation.
2014: The first of the Dan Brown Hogwarts books is published, titled Hero's Children†. It stays at number 1 on the New York Times Best-seller list for a record three years.
2015: JK Rowling causes a minor controversy when it is revealed that she bribed the 2006 Winter Olympic judges. She denies the allegations.
2016: Video evidence proves the bribe allegations. JK Rowling admits to the bribe, and returns the award. Police charges are not pressed.
2017: The second of the Dan Brown Hogwarts books is published, titled Voldemort's Child.†
2018: Hero's Children is released, a film based on the book of the same title. It wins 8 Academy Awards (or "Oscars").
2019: The third of the Dan Brown Howarts books is published, titled The Enchanted Library.† ("Magic Place with Books" in America)
2020: Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone is released, a rename of the original film, based on the book of the same name. The film contains marked differences to both the original film and novel - Hogwarts is moved to America. The film proves to be a huge hit, and is nominated for several Academy Awards (or "Oscars") - losing them all to Voldemort's Child, a film based on the book of the same name, released in the same year.
2021: Dan Brown reveals that the fourth Hogwarts book will be the last that he writes. The publishers start looking for a new author.
2022: JK Rowling expresses interest in writing the fifth of the new generation of Hogwarts books, but is rejected by the publishers. Fans are outraged, many rioting in the streets. In New York, the single largest act of graffiti in history occurs, as the Statue of Liberty is given Harry Potter glasses.
2023: The final of the Dan Brown Hogwarts books is published, titled Behind the Glasses.† ("Behind the things that Harry wears on his face and can see through" in certain areas of America.) The city of New York declares that Harry Potter's glasses will not be removed, and the Statue of Liberty is officially renamed The Statue of Liberty and Magic. JK Rowling is sued by her publishers for releasing an unauthorised Harry Potter prequel, The Marauders: Year One.†
2024: The Enchanted Library is released, a film based on the book of the same name. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is released, a sequel to the remake of the film based on the book of Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. Again, the changes are quite substantial. Cameron Russell, who plays Harry in the new movies, is voted sexiest teenager in essentially every teenage magazine. The film wins 13 Oscars.
2025: JK Rowling is again sued by her publishers for releasing an unauthorised sequel to her unauthorised Harry Potter prequel, The Marauders: Year Two. She drops to the world's third wealthiest author, after Dan Brown and Daniel Radcliffe. Daniel Radcliffe's series of Harry Potter-related biographies were surprise hits.
2026: Daniel Radcliffe is chosen to write the new Hogwarts book. Behind the Glasses is released, a film based on the novel of the same name. The film wins 15 Oscars.
2027: The number of Harry Potter-related fanfiction on Fanfiction.net reaches 8 billion, equal to the population of the world. Fanfiction.net shuts down all other areas of its site, and focuses entirely on Harry Potter works.
2028: The first of the Daniel Radcliffe Hogwarts series is released (the fifth of the "New Hogwarts" books, as they are informally known as), Snakes.† ("Long bitey things with funny tongues" in parts of America.) A studio illegally releases a film version of The Marauders: Year One. It becomes the most widely-pirated film of all time, and is rumoured to be directed by Dan Brown.
2029: JK Rowling publishes the third of her unauthorised prequel series, The Marauders: Year Three.† Her publishers attempt to sue her, but discover that she has gone on the run, being sheltered by fans of her work. Harry Potter and the Rugged Prisoner of Azkaban is released, the third of the American remakes of the original films.
2030: The second of the Daniel Radcliffe Hogwarts novels is released (the sixth "New Hogwarts" book overall), Flitwick's Revenge.† A film version of The Marauders: Year Two is released, and despite it being illegal and unauthorised, it goes on to win 3 Academy Awards (or "Oscars"). Dan Brown is confirmed as the director.
2031: Due to the high demand, FanFiction.net make pornographic stories featuring the Harry Potter characters compulsary, removing all other stories from their site.
2032: The third of the Daniel Radcliffe Hogwarts novels is released (the seventh, and final, "New Hogwarts" series), Death of a Wizard.† The set of the film The Marauders: Year Three is discovered, and all the cast and crew are shot by the Harry Potter publishers. JK Rowling is not among them, and The Marauders: Year Four is illegally published with her whereabouts still unknown. Dan Brown narrowly escapes.
2033: The publishers of the Harry Potter series announce two consecutive sequel series - Beauxbatons, We Hardly Knew Ye and a series based around Harry Potter's grandchildren. Additionally, the original book, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone ("Sorceror's Stone" in America) is remade for a third time, as an animated childrens series.
2034-2042: Films and books are steadily released over the next several years, including illegal JK Rowling prequel books, and illegal Dan Brown-directed films.
2034: Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone, a book adaptation of the remake of the film based on the original Harry Potter novel, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone ("Sorceror's Stone" in America) is published.†
2035: A live action Harry Potter television series is released, entitled Durmstrang Institute.
2036: Emma Watson is arrested for prostitution.
2037: A new cable channel is founded in America, solely for Harry Potter-related stories, shows, and movies.
2038: JK Rowling is suspected to be hiding in Indonesia. Consequently, the USA declares war on Korea in an attempt to "find this dangerous individual, and her pen of mass production. Illegal book production."
2039: A nation-wide hoax is purported on April 1st, announcing that the Harry Potter series of books is true. The rumour is proven false. April 2nd, 2039 breaks the world record for child suicide.
2040: The USA finds Dan Brown hiding in Korea, declares the war a success, and withdraws.
2041: Dan Brown is tried and hung for treason. His dying words reveal that a series of clues is hidden in his books and films, revealing "The Truth."
2042: An error in paperwork releases the Harry Potter books and characters into the public domain. The market is flooded with published "fanfiction". JK Rowling comes out of hiding as a result.
2043: Daniel Radcliffe is shot by a fan. JK Rowling's comments spark controversy - "He will be missed, hack though he was."
2045: Books other than Harry Potter fanfiction cease production. Many are pulped and recycled to publish new Harry Potter books.
2046: After the initial rush of fanfiction, the market settles down a bit, and the New York Times Bestseller list reappears, with Jade Arene's Voldemort series, about Tom Riddle's life as a young man and a tragic figure, topping the list.
2047: All works of fiction are declared fanfiction. Books not involving the Harry Potter universe are officially classified as "Alternate Universe Original Character" fanfiction.
2048: Fans of the Voldemort series tear down the Statue of Liberty and Magic, declaring it a tribute to the boy who slandered Tom Riddle's good name. Riots ensue, lasting for several weeks in the state of New York. Cameron Russell, US President at the time takes a full month to respond, by which time the riots are mostly over.
2049: Films which are not adaptations of the Harry Potter series, or remakes of older Harry Potter films, cease production. The Academy Awards are nicknamed "The Potters", named for a character - Oscar Potter - who appears in the Marauders prequels.
2050: Scientists clone the first fully-functioning human.
2051: A fan finally cracks Dan Brown's code, and discovers that he wrote three final books in the "New Hogwarts" series, with events flatly contradicting Daniel Radcliffe's novels. A war starts, over which books are truly "canon".
2052: Scientists clone a second human, this time with looks and personality based on the character Harry Potter from the popular children's series.
2053: The "Dan Wars" as they are known conclude, with a fan writing a book adequately explaining how both Dan Brown's series of events and Daniel Radcliffe's series of events can be canonical.
2054: A war starts over whether the previous war should be called "The Dan Wars" or "The Daniel Wars". Thousands die.
2055: England is officially renamed "Hogwarts".
2056: The sixth fully-functioning human is cloned, this time with looks and personality based on Tom Riddle from the Voldemort series of books.
2057: New England is officially renamed "The Real Hogwarts".
2058: JK Rowling starts another prequel series, The Founders. It fails to make the New York Times Bestseller list.
2059: Jade Arene starts a much more popular prequel series, also called The Founders. It contains much more homosexual activity than JK Rowling's. Rowling's official press statement claims that she "was going to wait until the series had finished, then reveal that all of the characters were gay."
2060: Rupert Grint and Jade Arene get married.
2061: Harry and the Potters release a fourth CD, after 55 years of fans clamouring for one. It is well-received, and while touring to promote it, the stage is rushed and the DeGeorge brothers are trampled to death.
2062: Cloning is banned. Scientists put their effort towards technology so advanced, it is indistinguishable from magic.
2063: Scientists succeed. Magic becomes common-place. This makes the books seem somehow less exciting.
2064: Writers retcon the entire Harry Potter series, removing the "magic as a secret world" element, and turning them into books about human relationships in the real world.
2065: JK Rowling, rumoured to have been one of the minds behind the original Harry Potter books, dies at the age of 100.
2066: Despite the technology existing, JK Rowling is discovered not to have made any Horcruxes.
2067: Harry and the Potters are inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Shortly after, it is renamed the "Wizard Rock" Hall of Fame.
2068: The USA is renamed "The Real Hogwarts". "The Real Hogwarts" (formerly New England) is a bit annoyed about this, but don't do anything.
2069: Great Britain is renamed "Great Hogwarts".
2070: Harry Potter, the second ever cloned human, is voted President of the United States of America.
2073: Under President Potter's new rule, "The Real Hogwarts" launches a series of invasions, taking over every country in the world...except for Great Hogwarts (consisting of Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and "Hogwarts") which is ruled by the recently elected Tom Riddle, the sixth ever cloned human.
2074: The war between The Real Hogwarts and Great Hogwarts continue.
2075: Harry Potter and Voldemort face down, in a battle remembered as "The Clone War", despite it being more of a scuffle. Both the clones are destroyed by a rocket, launched from a rocket launcher by Rupert Grint. The two countries agree to settle their differences, and ally.
2075-2089: Peace reigns, the world united under the name "Hogwarts".
2090: The world's population vote that they are "a bit over" Harry Potter. JK Rowling's great grand-child, sitting on a train, recalls a movie that she was shown as a young girl, and comes up with the idea for a series of books based around a character called "Luke Skywalker."

†Broke the world record for "Fastest-selling book in history".

Context might rewrite this a bit in the morning.
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