Shik (gonadsandstrife) wrote in metaquotes,
Shik
gonadsandstrife
metaquotes

j00licious starts her day off with a song in her heart in the key of SUCK:

His Slavness' alarm clock sounds. Slav hits snooze button.
Repeat four times.
Decide that using the toilet before Slav-shower is wise.
Get up, use toilet, come back to bed.
Alarm sounds again.
Refrain from saying "If you hit the snooze button one more time I'm going to swallow your soul," and instead say "Time to get up!"
Slav gets up.
Lump cat decides that j00 hair is part of this complete breakfast.
Evict Lump.
Lump decides that what j00 skin needs is exfoliation, and proceeds to exfoliate facial area with tongue.
Evict Lump.
Lump decides that sitting on j00 chest and purring loudly is WHERE IT'S AT, baby.
Concede defeat. Try to sleep.
Slav gets dressed. Try to verbalize confusion about why someone would voluntarily wear short sleeves this time of year. Fail
Face licking starts up again, and Ninja kitty has appeared, apparently displeased with some aspect of her life.
Say, "Aw, fuck it," and get up.
Feed cats. Start coffee.
Ninja kitty is still complaining.
Say "What? What is it? That's water from the Brita, you know..."
Ninja kitty sits besides the basement door and begins to expound, at length, about how she was promised that she would be able to hang out in the basement again once Simmie was gone.
Explain that the basement needs to be cleaned thoroughly before kitties can go down there again, because Simmie was sick.
Ninja kitty points out that she is dragged kicking and screaming to Dr Griffiths every year so that she can be immune to feline illness.
Point out that paranoia is part of what makes a good pet owner.
Ignore further protests.
Pour coffee, and shuffle into office.
Sit down.
Dump entire cup into lap when Lump leaps onto keyboard.
Curse loudly.
Chuck favorite pajama bottoms into laundry pile.
Get new cup of coffee, go back to office.
Learn that Vladimir Putin has been named Person of the Year by TIME magazine. Cry a little, on the inside.
Mom calls. Chat with Mom
Learn all about Dad's early sexual experiences, because Mom is feeling chatty.
Tell Mom you'll call her later.
Stare at 4chan until new knowledge about Dad goes away.
Have an uneventful shower.

How was YOUR morning?


Context should've stayed in bed, dammit.
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