COOKING DINNER IN 15 EASY STEPS WITH andthatisthat
1. Buy lovely pizza from shop.
2. Preheat oven.
3. Remove all packing and cook pizza for approximately 12 minutes.
4. Remove pizza from oven and cut into slices.
5. Put pizza on plate.
6. Pick up plate.
7. For no apparent reason other than own retardedness throw scalding hot pizza on own arm.
8. Burn the fuck out of said arm.
9. Scream like a bitch.
10. Realise pizza is now on floor.
11. Realise said pizza is now inedible.
12. Realise said spoiled pizza was the only good thing happening in own life, and that despite best efforts at putting it under a cold running tap, arm is now horribly burnt.
15. Accept this as your lot in life.
16. Sit at computer and compose possibly hilarious post on Livejournal.
17. Get up to put burnt arm under cold tap for a bit longer.
18. Due to aforementioned retardness, get foot caught on wheel of chair.
19. Drag chair along with self, knock over glass of squash on carpet.
21. Cry some more.
22. Hate self. A lot.
23. Wish could just go to bed and say fuck everything.
24. Realise cannot as need to cook curry for stupid-ass potluck dinner that got sprung on self at the last minute.
25. Develop irrational fear of kitchen.
26. Wish self was anyone else except self right now.
27. Even Hannah Tointon.
28. (Okay, maybe not Hannah Tointon.)
29. Wish fewer people had been around to witness all of the above.
30. Lose all appetite despite still being hungry.
31. Give up all hope.
Context | locked | QWP.