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Apes aren't monkeys-are they?
Anarchist, MatGB
matgb wrote in metaquotes
Responding to my post about the gorilla drummer, rho observes:
Pfft. As any fool knows, "monkeys" are a paraphyletic group, with catarrhini – the apes and old world monkeys – forming the sister clade to platyrrhini, the new world monkeys.

As such, if one is arguing from a purely cladistic viewpoint, rather than adhering to morphological taxonomies, referring to a gorilla as a monkey is perfectly cromulent, in the same way that one might refer to a chicken as a dinosaur.

Obviously.
Context is eating chocolate and reading Pratchett.

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Of course.

But I'm an anthropology major taking a course on Primates, and this was drilled into us the first time someone called Curious George a monkey. Oh for shame.

Oh god that shits me to no end. I hated watching the adverts for Curious George because they always called him a monkey, it got to the point that if I just saw him I'd scream and yell "He's a fucking ape!"

This sounds just like my AP Biology homework.

It reads like a Victorian Era Romance.

When my cat lived with my parents and yapped at birds, my dad would always tell him, "Very good, Spike. We mammals have to stick together against those dinosaurs."

Your cat yaps? Mine chatter. I've always thought they were cursing the window for being between them and the birds.

Around the time the goslings start hatching in the spring, my partner talks cheerfully about "baby dinosaurs."

During a game of 20 questions, I once had a girl get mad at me because I didn't think a lemur was a monkey.

She's a nursing student. At least she won't have to deal with monkeys...

I just read something claiming that all non-ape primates are monkeys. Ow...

If you want to get really confused sometime, take a look at the phylogeny of lemurs and lorises. Particularly where the aye-aye fits in, but you can also look at the frequency with which it's determined that subspecies are actually species or species are actually subspecies or wait, that species is divided into subspecies, but not the way we thought... Or the debate between considering lorises mixed in with the lemurs or their own separate clade (which depends partly on how many colonization events there were and which way they went).

/prosimian geek-out

Orangutans, on the other hand, are most assuredly, definitely not monkeys.

(Deleted comment)
The Librarian is a damed cromulent character. He shows up 100 years ago!

Anthropology nerds FTW!

*Biology major who takes anthro classes for fun*

None of this matters, because "monkey" is a funnier word than "ape".

"Orangutan", on the other hand, is hilarious.

Once I thought I was clever, then someone said cromulent, to which I politely replied "what the fuck?" Then I was ashamed.

Ooh, words I don't know! *bounces off to dictionary*

...my dictionary fails me. *sadface* What do paraphyletic, cladistic, and cromulent mean?

I suggest you do as I did and embiggen you vocabulary via Wikipedia. american english, first recorded use in a town called Springfield, although I can't find it on a map.

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