CHRISTIANITY: Islam! So help me, you're going to accept secular democracy like a responsible and mature theological tradition!Context is here.
ISLAM: No way, man! I don't wanna grow up to be like you. I'm gonna be true to myself and keep executing infidels and sinners as much as I want.
CHRISTIANITY: Oh, please. I was launching crusades and running inquisitions while you were still in diapers. Believe me, it's gets old fast. You need to do the smart thing and accept a humanist approach to...
ISLAM: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to my room. A jihad on all of you! [runs upstairs to bedroom]
CHRISTIANITY: (sighing) Sweet Jesus. Was I really that obnoxious when I was that age?
JUDAISM: Believe me. You were.
[Meanwhile, at the retirement home...]
ZOROASTRIANISM: (talking to no one) Hello? Is anyone there? Does anyone care what I think?