How Not to Buy a Doughnut: A lesson demonstrated by the Wirrrn this afternoon, at our local DONUT KING (Thinks Krispy Kreme, only without Bearclaws. I still think this should be a crime:
Wirrrn (sauntering up to counter): Good morrow to you, purveyors of fine, fried lumps of sugared fat! I have just this very hour finished my final examination for Forensic Botany and caught a most bitching specimen of a West Australian Tiger Moth for my insect collection on the walls of the very building I found myself outside upon my departure, and verily thought I'd celebrate by clogging my arteries with one of your delightfully lethal impulse treats!
Lard Lackey (crouched down over display, face not visible under hat) Certainly sir... what would you like?
Wirrrn (eyes display) Well my good muffin merchant, my friendly provider of puff pastry, I believe I shall have one of your 'Doughnut Men'. I find they have a much greater stopping power than Gingerbread men, don't you? Plus their masculine shape appeals to my homosexual sense of aesthetics. And the buttons are made of smarties! Top show!
Lard Lackey (reaches for chocolate doughnut man)
Wirrrn: Nay, temptress! I shall not have a chocolate one, this day. I believe I shall have that yellow one there at the front, as I...
(Lard Lackey looks up at this point, revealing she is Asian. The Wirrrn's tongue continues, unabated)
Wirrrn: ...Really like the taste of the...yellow people...
Lard Lackey: I present unto you Your doughnut, Sir. You are clearly not at all a complete oaf with a runaway voicebox, a a White Devil with an embarrassing knack of saying something that could erroneously be misconstrued as a confession of inter-racial cannibalism!
Wirrrn: :Moves foot to one side of mouth, inserts doughnut:
Context remains unabashed.