Yes, I Have One (supremegoddess1) wrote in metaquotes,
Yes, I Have One

The Worst Houseguest

kits_meow gives instructions to her houseguest:

2. In other bathroom notes – if you tinkle on the seat, clean that shit up. There is nothing worse than your host going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and then sleepily sitting on your piss. If it happens once, your host is annoyed. If it happens more than once, your host wants to put you in a cage and poke you at her leisure with the aforementioned pointystick.

3. If your host doesn’t wear their shoes in the house, don’t wear your shoes in the house. Especially don’t wear your shoes in the house under the following circumstances. Having walked into the house, say "Wow. It smells great in here!" Host says "I just washed the floors". You say “Wow, the floors look great. You sure wash them a lot!” Perhaps she's washing the floor a lot because it's spring, and you KEEP WEARING YOUR SHOES IN THE HOUSE! Just a thought.


11. If you are at home during the day while your host is at work, don’t text her and say “Can you pick up some toilet tissue on the way home? You’re almost out.” Perhaps, since she has bought a six pack of toilet tissue TWICE since your arrival ten days ago (causing her to wonder, exactly, how someone goes through a double roll of tp in a single day on a consistent basis), you ought to buy some toilet tissue yourself.


2. If you see your host sweeping the dog hair daily, don’t offer up such helpful pieces of advice as “You should get a Swiffer”. Get your ass off her bed and sweep up your dog's frikken hair yourdamnself!

3. If your host leaves a dustpan full of your dog’s hair with the broom outside your door, this passive aggressive tactic might be an indication that she wants you to clean up your dog’s hair. You should not leave the dustpan full of dog hair by the door for a full day and night during which you were at home (presumably lieing on the bed in your hosts guest room watching tv and eating snacks), and then watch her as she empties and refills it with more of your dog’s hair.


In conclusion, dear houseguest, your purpose as houseguest is to not make yourself a burden and a pain in the ass, causing your host three times as much work and a fair amount of disgust as she deals with sundry issues such as dirt, boy germs, dog shit and your smelly unwashed clothes piled up under her table, nor is it to make yourself invisible.

QWP, Context would have kicked him out a long time ago.
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