Jessica (moovelvet) wrote in metaquotes,

clemidia writes:


Mom answers.

Mom: "Just a minute."
(hands me the phone as I am cleaning the bedroom)

Me: "Hello?"

Overly Perky Guy: "HELLO!! How are you today, MRS. Clem?!"
Strike one. DO not EVER use that title in front of my last name again after that bloody excuse of a divorce I have just endured at the hands of a lying sonufabitch and his pitbull attorney...
Me: "mmm..."

OPG: "Well, hello--and first of all, let me say this is a COURTESY CALL!!"
Strike two. Courtesy? COURTESY to harrass people by phone when they are washing their underwear for the first time in a month and dusting their bedroom with a hair-dryer?! I think NOT.

OPG: "OKayyyyy--I am calling from Comerica bank and I am prepared to offer YOU a low, low rate on our new home equity loans--"
Strike THREE. I have told you assholes who call here 3,490,677,012 times a month that I do not OWN a home! My ex got e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

OK, now the game is ON.

OPG: "I hope I haven't disturbed you at an inopportune time..."
Me: "I was having my DRINKBOX."
OPG: "Oh, I see."
Me: "And, I don't own a home."
OPG: "You don--."
Me: "I live with my mother. And my boyfriend. He has a penis. I don't. My mom doesn't either. Have a penis. But, she has a beard--"
OPG: "Uh--"
Me: "I live in a GROUP HOME."
OPG: ...
Me: "We don't wear helmets!"
OPG: "Well--if your needs ever change--"
Me: "I love you."
OPG: *deep breath*
Me: "Are you my friend?"
OPG: "On behalf of Com--"
Me: "We have a KITTY!"
Me: "Wait, wait--can I have money anyway? We need new backpacks. It's a germergency--hello--HELLO?"



Context is supplying courtsey information
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