Wherein I save you the ticket money:
Spartans were bad-ass.
Everyone else was a fag.
Especially the Persians.
Xerxes wasn't just a fag, he was a proto-transsexual. As such, of course, he was more evil than anyone ever.
AAAARGH SPARTA IS AWESOME.
CLANGCLANGCLANG STABBITY STAB STAB.
Women = cum receptacles. Spartan women = good for birthing Spartan men. Spartan girls = dump 'em on the mountain and let ugly old lepers rape 'em till they go crazy and speak in tongues and become 'oracles.'
And yet Sparta = freedom.
YAARRRGH WAR IS SO FUCKIN' AWESOME DOOOOOOD *monster guitar crunch*
OMG SPARTANS R TEH BAD-ASSEST OF TEH BAD-ASS.
Xerxes: *is freaky*
Lesbians in Xerxes' tent: *are freaky*
Hunchback in Xerxes' tent: *fits right in*
I KEEL YOU WITH SWORD. I SLAP YOU WITH SHIELD. I BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH MY OWN TESTICLES.
Leonidas: 'Shit, we're gonna die anyway. SPARTA FIGHT KILL FAGS AAAAAGH'
QWP, Context has very buff abs and can't decide whether to sex you, kill you, or kill you and then sex the corpse.