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'Computer: I crash. Yay!'
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darsynia wrote in metaquotes
Just one in a series of hilarious dialogues:

Me: writing paper, downloading file, using art editing program, surfing...probably not all at once.
Computer: Iiiii ammmmm feeeelinnnngggg slugggishshshsh.
Me: Oh, crap! (control-alt-delete; stop various programs in background)
Computer: Taaaaaakkkinggggg tennnnn minnnnutesssssss toooooo resssssponnnndddddd.
Me: Please save my work. Please save my work. Please save my work. Please save my work. Please save my work. Please save my work.
Phone: I make loud, annoying noise at ungodly hour! Behold my caller ID!
Me: NOT NOW.
Phone: Yes. I ring. I ring. Again, please note that I am ringing. Urgent! Urgent!
Me: GAH! Okay, I'l check.
Computer: Dying now.

Me: No! You are saving. Save. Ing.
Phone: Please to be answering me now. I ring, I ring. Ring. Ring-ring? Yes, I ring. Much. RING RING RING. I will not stop.
Computer: *grrrzzzl thbppppt wadda bleep mwahoooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg*
Me: STOP THAT!!!
Phone: My caller ID does not say it is a telemarketer. Yaywoo! I rock!
Computer: Rosebud.....
Me: For farq's sake!!!
Computer: iCrash. *Blue Screen of Death*
Me: *Head almost blows up, a la "Scanners"...bits of brain almost end up decorating walls.* SO VERY ANGRY. Blood pressure so very HIGH. Chest pains!! Ungh! Ungh! Gruh! Gah! Ugh! *inarticulate rage*
Computer: And now I will refuse to work for several hours. Because you have a deadline. This is fun! I'm dead, I'm dead, can't turn me back on, neener neener neener.
Me: Well, I could call a friend and whinge for a while.
Phone: Sorry, no service currently available.
Me: What?
Phone: Press [1] for exorbitant roaming fees. One bar. Two bars. One bar. Oops, no bars. On strike. Not ringing.
Me: Weh?!
Phone: Rosebud.....
Me: NOW CUT THAT OUT!!
Electricity: Ooh, a droplet of precipitation! I must stop working now!
Me: Oh, crap.
Darkness: Yay, I rule! Hit that table leg with your little toe! I LOVE that!!
Devices: We're on strike.
Computer: I'm in ur office, eatin' ur paperz.
Phone: I have fallen underneath something heavy and am about to ring incessantly for two hours. But you can't answer! No service! Good trick, ja?
Me: *eats gallon of ice cream while crying*

I need a new computer.


By britpoptarts in a customers_suck post found here.
ETA: LJ-cut for your convenience.
ETA2, Son of ETA: Just to clarify--it wasn't me, though I appreciate the sympathy as similar situations have happened to me before. britpoptarts wins for the story itself, though definitely suggest checking out the above link as there are some great gems at the post it originated from ^^


Takes up a whole screen's worth of length on my very large flist layout. I'd suggest a cut.

OMG, funny but incredibly sad! Hope it worked out in the end, somehow?

It is a bit extended for not being cut (but I'm not a modly-type). Maybe have the first few lines outside a cut to induce others to click?



I thought it was fucking hilarious! :)

I am laughing and yet there is a part of me that lives in total fear of that. There is ice cream in the fridge.

*laughs* That was highly amusing...though I hope everything worked out okay and the paper got turned in on time.

My computer just ate my nearly completed paper, I deleted the rough draft sent via attachment on e-mail because I'm obsessive compulsive like that and it's in roughly... six hours.

SO MUCH EMPATHY. (And yet I take the time to comment.)

That was hilarious. :)) *goes back to writing*

Right now I'm giggling, but OHBOY have I been there. I now live in fear whenever the WINDOWS IS RUNNING IN LOW MEMORY appears. *ph34r*

*college student with persnickety computer*

I FEEL YOUR PAIN. Although I prefer a box of Poptarts to icecream; no brainfreeze yayz!

*grin* Oh, the horrors of modern technology.

(Deleted comment)
*hugs her mac* Oh, yes, yes indeed.

Have you heard the rumor that they're going to sell red MacBooks like the red iPods that Bono introduced recently (was it yesterday?)? They donate some money to a charity (can't remember if it's research for AIDS or Breast Cancer, I lose at mac rumours) when you buy it, and plus... well... it's RED. *drools*

*hugs* I feel for you.

My lappy-top did that to me my first year of college. While working on my a paper for my English final of all things. -.- Got me to really dislike LT's for a while, heh.

*falls off chair laughing*

"Rosebud"

Keels over and dies laughing....

I really needed to read something like this right now, thanks so much for the stress relief. :-)

[smiles smugly at my Linux OS - Eviiiiil MS!]

[smiles smugly at my Linux OS - Eviiiiil MS!]

/agree ;-)

*snorts* Verrrry entertaining. Have a cookie.