Me: writing paper, downloading file, using art editing program, surfing...probably not all at once.
Computer: Iiiii ammmmm feeeelinnnngggg slugggishshshsh.
Me: Oh, crap! (control-alt-delete; stop various programs in background)
Computer: Taaaaaakkkinggggg tennnnn minnnnutesssssss toooooo resssssponnnndddddd.
Me: Please save my work. Please save my work. Please save my work. Please save my work. Please save my work. Please save my work.
Phone: I make loud, annoying noise at ungodly hour! Behold my caller ID!
Me: NOT NOW.
Phone: Yes. I ring. I ring. Again, please note that I am ringing. Urgent! Urgent!
Me: GAH! Okay, I'l check.
Computer: Dying now.
Me: No! You are saving. Save. Ing.
Phone: Please to be answering me now. I ring, I ring. Ring. Ring-ring? Yes, I ring. Much. RING RING RING. I will not stop.
Computer: *grrrzzzl thbppppt wadda bleep mwahoooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggg
Me: STOP THAT!!!
Phone: My caller ID does not say it is a telemarketer. Yaywoo! I rock!
Me: For farq's sake!!!
Computer: iCrash. *Blue Screen of Death*
Me: *Head almost blows up, a la "Scanners"...bits of brain almost end up decorating walls.* SO VERY ANGRY. Blood pressure so very HIGH. Chest pains!! Ungh! Ungh! Gruh! Gah! Ugh! *inarticulate rage*
Computer: And now I will refuse to work for several hours. Because you have a deadline. This is fun! I'm dead, I'm dead, can't turn me back on, neener neener neener.
Me: Well, I could call a friend and whinge for a while.
Phone: Sorry, no service currently available.
Phone: Press  for exorbitant roaming fees. One bar. Two bars. One bar. Oops, no bars. On strike. Not ringing.
Me: NOW CUT THAT OUT!!
Electricity: Ooh, a droplet of precipitation! I must stop working now!
Me: Oh, crap.
Darkness: Yay, I rule! Hit that table leg with your little toe! I LOVE that!!
Devices: We're on strike.
Computer: I'm in ur office, eatin' ur paperz.
Phone: I have fallen underneath something heavy and am about to ring incessantly for two hours. But you can't answer! No service! Good trick, ja?
Me: *eats gallon of ice cream while crying*
I need a new computer.
By britpoptarts in a customers_suck post found here.
ETA: LJ-cut for your convenience.
ETA2, Son of ETA: Just to clarify--it wasn't me, though I appreciate the sympathy as similar situations have happened to me before. britpoptarts wins for the story itself, though definitely suggest checking out the above link as there are some great gems at the post it originated from ^^