psycho-biker-junkie-whore (avariel_wings) wrote in metaquotes,

alemara discovers some frankly terrifying coffee:

Right now, I'm drinking what is confidently advertised on the front of the package as "A Taste of the Old West," which tastes, I admit, rather more like regular coffee than I might otherwise have thought. The coffee's made by the Cowboy Coffee Company of, you guessed it, Wyoming, and has this intriguing phrase lauded underneath a picture of a man on a horse with a tin mug, ostensibly given to him by a woman holding an aluminum coffee pot:

"Like the original cowboy, this hearty medium roasted coffee is a blend with many influences."

I can only guess what that might mean, but it is in no way as fantastic as the little blurb on the back, written in manly all-capitals and headed under the fascinating title:

"When the cowboy first appeared in the late 1800's, his job was to bring herds of half-wild Mexican cattle north to the ranges of the American West. His diet consisted of beef, beans, sourdough biscuits and strong black coffee. This coffee was rumored to float a pistol, heal an ailing steer, scare of a pack of wolves and cure the effects of a short night.

"In keeping with that tradition, you too can enjoy the same benefits of a hearty cowboy blend. Some say, 'It'll keep ya in the saddle when there is one more chore to be done.'"

What I want to know is, how can coffee scare off wolves? But the package goes on:

Brewing hints from Cookie's Chuckwagon:

"Place a kettle of cold mountain water over your campfire. Throw the ground coffee in the pot and bring it to a boil. Take it off the fire and crunch up the shell from one egg and throw it in the pot. Not only will this settle the grounds, but you'll also get your calcium requirements. Now settle back, pardner, and and enjoy the sunrise; and wait for the aroma to rustle up the crew. We have to warn ya: it ain't halter broke.

"P.S. You can also use your regular drop coffee maker for the same great tasting coffee."

Well, sure I could, but that would leave me without the added satisfying crunch of eggshells, now wouldn't it? And how many cowboys really worried about their calcium requirements to begin with?

Admittedly, the coffee is good. And kind of ridiculously strong, which leads me to why I am posting about it. It's giving my heart some time to stop palpitating after that first sip.

I swear, the things I find in my freezer.

QWP from a public post, and all that good stuff.
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