Shik (gonadsandstrife) wrote in metaquotes,

bladeliger continues on his Plutonian commentary, this time tackling what's it's like to be the solar system's Donny:

Turns out Pluto's not pissed so much as just dejected. The Thanksgiving turkey is safe (for now), but now Pluto self-esteem is lower than its surface temperature. Don't worry, li'l fella. I know how you feel. It's just like during the Summer of Self-Love when Nic, Stephen, and their clique turned their back on me for being unemployable riff-raff with a kinky pee fetish. Don't fret, little one. You don't need those jerks.

I mean, look at the planets you were hanging out with:
Jupiter: the red spot was from last Fourth of July when he did a no-no with a bottle rocket while strung out on Jäger.
Saturn: total goth. Probably has a LiveJournal called "Despair of the Rings".
Uranus: yeah, too easy.
Mercury: Venus'll attest to him being faster than a speeding comet.
Mars: just another dick who thinks he's a bad ass. The Steven Seagal of the solar system.
Neptune: he's into the "watersports", if you know what I mean.
Earth: total whore. She's infested with something. Life, I think they call it.
Venus: she's like Alicia Silverstone in
Clueless, only she never learns the moral of the story.
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