Crevette (crevette) wrote in metaquotes,
Crevette
crevette
metaquotes

How not to pitch a novel...

peacockharpy here on five ways that really don't work to pitch a manuscript to a professional editor.


I pitched Spinning Jenny to alg at Writercon, even though I know she doesn't do YA -- it was mostly for the practice, plus she's a blast to talk to. But while I was struggling to write up my pitch, I kept having ideas.

Bad ideas.

So here are the five ways I (thankfully) didn't pitch to alg at Writercon...

5.

"Hi, I'm peacockharpy..."

"Why are you bringing those flags into the room?"

"Semaphore!" *strikes a pose*

"And.... no."

4.

"Hi, I'm peacockharpy, and my book is Spinning Jenny, a YA paranormal novel of 65,000 words..."

"Why are you dressed in a sheet?"

"Cosplay! I'm dressed as Jenny, the ghost in my novel!"

"And... no."

3.

"Hi, I'm peacockharpy, and my book is Spinning Jenny, a YA paranormal novel of 65,000 words. I practiced my pitch on my daughter. She's three."

"Oh, um--"

"Once upon a time, there was a nice girl named Gillian. But Gillian ran into a baaaaad ghost named Jenny. Jenny was mean and tried to take over Gillian's mind. Gillian was very, very afraid of Jenny..."

"And... no."

2.

"Hi, I'm peacockharpy, and my book is Spinning Jenny, a YA paranormal novel... which I will now pitch to you as a song with interpretive dance."

"Oh God."

*turns on CD player, where "Trogdor the Burninator" is cued up*

"Jenny was a girl..."
*pas de chat*
"...well, she was a dead girl..."
*shimmy*
"...well, she was a ghost girl..."
*jig*
"She was
JENNYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"

*jazzhands*
JENNYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"

*double-jazzhands, with a twist*
"Hauntinating the textile mill,"
*headbang*
"Hauntinating the Hudsons..."
*slamdance*

"Ouch! And... no."

1.

*lurches into the room, dreadlocks swinging, rum in hand*

"Hello there, luv. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, and I'll be pitchin' for peacockharpy.""

"I, um. Nice hair?"

"Thanks, luv. Now, there's this ghost, savvy?" *takes swig of rum* "And she's hauntin' this girl, see -- I'd haunt her too, eh?" *leer* "And she's gettin' in her dreams and making her... see things." *goes unfocused, waves hands at nothing* *rum sloshes across the table* "And there's this textile mill, where..." *looks at glass* "Why has the rum gone?"

"Maybe you need to go back to the bar?"

"Yeah..." *lurches toward the door* "Wait, luv. You gonna buy the book?"

"No. But ... I'll buy you a drink."

*they leave, arm in arm*
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 48 comments
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →