Upon returning to the bedroom, I couldn’t help but notice a small old suitcase sitting on the floor. The following dialogue ensued. Now, for ease of understanding, I have also glossed the dialogue to provide the true communication being delivered.
Me: Honey, what is the suitcase?
(EEK! An out of place object! It disgusts me!)
Giles: Oh. I picked that up at a rummage sale this weekend.
(Mine! Mine! You can’ts haves it! T’is mine!)
Me: Um. OK. Why?
(An O.U.P.! Object of Unidentified Purpose! T’is evil and must be destroyed! This violates my Craftsman sensibilities.)
Giles: It looked fun, so I picked it up.
(T’is old, it is! A key it has, and a lock! T’is shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny! We must haves it, we must! T’is preciousssssssssssssssss!)
Me: So… what are you going to do with it?
(IT HAS TO HAVE A PURPOSE! Anything without purpose is a dust collector. Dust collectors attract filth and disease and will ultimately lead to the destruction of the human race! Have you not heard of Avian Flu? This could be carrying spores or bacteria or something! I feel a fainting spell comin’ on…)
QWP -- balance of the dialogue (all very funny) can be found here.