My razor is the Sex God of leg shaving instruments. It's got a block of soap built in and forgives my sensative skin and the fact I leave it hanging for ages on end before calling.
However, recently, there have been angry words exchanged. First I thought it was cheating on me with other legs as it's soap was disappearing suspiciously fast, but it assures me that it's just because of the water in the shower. I was willing to let that slide, but when it started biting me, that was the last straw. Things were said and acusations made, and it's childish response was to gouge a huge chunk out of my shin.
Sat heavily bandaged and sulking, I was then seduced by the Veet adverts.
Slim, hot, lasting for up to four weeks and apparently painless, wax seemed the perfect solution to avoid spilling my blood. Also, it wouldn't smell or probably be as ineffective as those damned slutty removal creams. Though it sickens a person to let their leg hair grow to beyond 5mm, it had to be done if I wanted to attract this new specimin.
Eventually, I was in a perfect position to take my new hair remover. Took the strips out of the box, warmed them up lovingly and smoothed them into position. Then- 'with a smooth, decisive motion' as it instructed- I ripped it back.
Hopped round the room for a while and considered suing Veet for Actual Bodily Harm. And seduction under fault pretenses. It was neither painless or effective. Did try a couple more times, but the mood was lost and I ended up dumping my new friend in the nearest bin.
Then, of course I had to appologise to my razor, promise never again to leave it for something so shallow and begged it to return and do the stellar job it usually does. And it didn't bite me this time either. Think I should buy it a new blade to say thank you and sorry...