"Crisis averted per vibrator", by ignis_mcgruff

Your icon reminds me of a story that my friend told me.

She was traveling across the country on her way to Seattle and had to stop in a hillbilly town to pee at a gas station. When she came out two red necks where standing looking at her bumper complaining about the French opposing the US on it's middle east action.

Then one of the redneck unzipped his pants and began peeing on the bumper. She ran up to them and yelled "IT'S ELVISH NOT FRENCH ASSHOLE!" At which point she realized that she was on their territory and she was all alone. She turned and went to get in her car, one of them followed.

She got in and he got in the way of her door closing. To get him to back away she reached under her seat to get her knife and brought it out pointing it at him.

It was at that point she realized what she had actually grabbed was her candy-stripped vibrator. The guy jumped back and she sped away.

Crisis averted per vibrator. Is there anything they can't do?