It is my sad duty to bring you disturbing news.
Only a week ago, the Iraqi people showered our troops with flowers, candy, and
But we knew it couldn't last forever, not with the specter of unchecked homolove lurking in the darkest corners of our own great democracy. Because the voice of the people has been silenced by activist judges and insurgent Democrats, a new scourge has emerged from the ashes of the old. Abu Ayyub al-Masri, an enemy far more horrifying than the faceless and therefore meaningless enemies of climate change, no jobs, no health care, and failing public education, now requires our vigilant presence in Iraq for much longer than any non-liberal could ever have anticipated.
Only when we defeat this enemy, who we now know is the real cause of instability in Iraq, can we start discussing an exit stragery. I'd also like to remind you, my fellow vigilant Americans, that changing horses midstream could cause ten more enemies with faces to appear on your television screens. Do you want insurgent Democrats allowing gays to marry their dogs? When you vote this November, just remember Abu Ayyub al-Masri and how much he looks like the lovechild of John Kerry and an illegal immigrant.
God bless us all, except the gays.
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