Ma'am, I'll tell you what I told my ex-wife during dinner conversations: "USE PROPER NOUNS, MOTHERFUCKER, OR I'LL KILL YOU." And contrary to popular opinion, "like", "you know," and "you know what I'm saying?" are NOT acceptable substitutes. No, I do not know what you're saying, because the words you're stringing together like cat turds on dental floss have about as much value.
Sir, I swear, I'm going to put up a big sign in front of your house reading "Your IQ must be THIS HIGH for you to be allowed outside," because the thought of your diseased genes being passed on to future generations makes me ill. It's bad enough that I have to repeat everything I say because it simply doesn't sink in, but when you're too stupid to know even which company you're trying to pay, it's hard to have any sympathy when you keep repeating that your power is off. Oh, and the tantrum you threw when I told you that we didn't know the amount of your bill was precious: you know, if you put your penis on a cutting board, get the biggest knife you can find, and play Whack-a-Mole with your pee-pee for an hour, that number will magically appear on the end of the stump.
I have to admit; the first line of the first paragraph is just perfect. I love it!