~ (niqaeli) wrote in metaquotes,
~
niqaeli
metaquotes

You can't get to Iraq by boat?

QWP from a locked post by gamesiplay.

She has a terribly exciting job filled with interesting personalities.

My favorite story of the past two weeks revolves around Elyssa, who has quickly distinguished herself as the best phone conversationalist. She often calls her parents and says such abrupt, hypochondriacal things as:

--"So, Mom, what does it mean that I have this overpowering metallic taste in my mouth?"
--"My arm is tingling. I think that's the first sign of a stroke."

She's been thinking of quitting her job at the firm and looking for something better. Earlier this week, she was talking to her father and, in a ploy for attention, said, "By the way, I filled out a form for the Navy, so I may go work for them instead." He thought she was joking, she insisted it was true, and finally they hung up in mutual frustration.

Five minutes later, her mother called, having heard the news. What followed was a bizarre one-sided (to me) conversation in which Elyssa assured her mother that she hadn't signed anything, she'd consider carefully before committing to a new job, and, after what seemed to be a minor freak-out on the mother's end: "No, Mom, they won't send me into combat!"

Pause.

"Because you can't get to Iraq by boat!"

Elyssa, a place to which you can get by boat: the middle of the Atlantic. Where we will tie weights to your feet and throw you overboard. You know how eating fish is supposed to make you smarter? Eating you will make the fish stupider.
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