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Witch
writer_blocked wrote in metaquotes
tyrannyofpoetry gets a haircut . . .

So, went to get my haircut today. And the sweet, quiet Thai lady at CropShop obviously heard my "can you tidy it up a bit and put in some wax so its a bit spiky" as "I WANT GAY HAIR. GAY. SO VERY GAY. I WANT HAIR SO GAY THAT IT HAS A SERIES OF UNSUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER HAIR BEFORE FINALLY GETTING A CIVIL PARTNERSHIP."

So she started cutting. And when I said I'd like a bit more off the sides, my mouth must have moved and pronounced the words "ITS NOT GAY ENOUGH. MAKE IT MORE GAY. WHY IS MY HAIR NOT CURRENTLY HITTING BACK SUGARY COCKTAILS THAT IT CAN'T AFFORD JUST SO ITS DRUNK ENOUGH TO GO HOME WITH THE MINGER IN THE CORNER?? MY HAIR ISN'T CURRENTLY THINKING OF HOW MUCH IT WANTS TO BUGGER OTHER HAIR IN A SEEDY SOHO ALLEY. MAKE IT MORE GAY!"

And obviously, instead of saying "could you use wax instead of hair spray", my demonically possessed vocal cords must have shouted out "GAYER!!!!!!1!!! THIS HAIR IS NOT LIVING UP TO ENOUGH STEREOTYPES. ITS TOO MUCH WILL, NOT ENOUGH JACK. WHY ISN'T MY HAIR SINGING I AM WHAT I AM WHILE WEARING BAD DRAG MAKEUP AND GREASING UP A SLING FOR A NIGHT OF HARDCORE FISTING FUN?? THE HAIR IS SIMPLE NOT GAY ENOUGH. IT STILL LOOKS AT NAKED WOMEN ON THE INTERNET WHILE CRYING ITSELF TO SLEEP. MAKE. IT. MORE. GAY".

And so, I now have quite gay hair. You'd think as a gay man, I'd be fine with this.

You'd think, no?

The sad bit is, and I'm prepared for the accusations of making a dad-joke, but the hair cut? It's growing on me.

QWP of course :)


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Unfair stereotype (that I have seen played out) would be that lesbian hair equals mullet. Making out with girls is totally cool, but mullets are just something that decent people don't do (post 1994).

If mullets are lesbian hair, I'm glad I'm bisexual! ;)

Mullets are BAD lesbian hair... A do for a dyke stuck in the 80's. Just remember this...

In the olden days it was thought that there were only 7 lesbians in the world and that the rest was done with mirrors. We now now that there are thousands of lesbians, but only 7 lesbian haircuts.

I have to Demyx the thread now just because video game characters can still pull off mullets in 2006. >.>

No you don't. I was once accidentally given a lesbian haircut (not a mullet, but still lesbian) and I'm still traumatized by it four years later.

Femme-lesbian hair (very short but not a mullet/bowl cut/buzz) is teh awesome. I've had it for three years. Butch-lesbian hair (see list in parens) is not.

Femme-lesbian hair

If I could pull that off, I'd totally go for it.

That's the plan for next Thursday's haircut.

The scary thing is, femme-lesbian hair is my grandma's hairstyle. She gleefully told us she had 'dyke hair' and her daughter, my mother, agreed with her. Still. You don't want to see that haircut on your grandma.

Heh. I have femme-lesbian hair, but mine's, well...imagine if Cyndi Lauper and Liza Minnelli somehow had a love child. That's what I look like.

Hilariously enough, straight guys think it's hot.

Which is why I now have to wear rainbow jewelry. Not that it does much, because people ignore it. But it's pretty so I'm happy.

Or there's the ever popular crew... with the spiked bangs. I rocked that. But I've moved onto the mohawk. I think that screams 'dyke' a bit more.

I so totally fail at lesbian hair, considering that my hair is, uh. Long enough to touch my ass.

My hair is out, but I keep getting sucked back in.

Hmmm...

I'd hit it.

Or grab it.

Or, y'know, just think about doing something sexy with a langhaired gal while I sit in my house and try to pay attention to my husband's rendition of What Went On At Work Today.

(I love the man, but I need something nice to think of so I won't leap from the chair and pummel him screaming, "I don't know who any of these people are! I don't tell you every little thing that's happening on Weeds, do I?")

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