This morning, I had trouble buying a jar of "Emeril's Vodka Sauce," which I found in the spaghetti sauce section.
"Is there vodka in this?" asked the cashier.
"It's not a drink," I told her.
"Still," she said, checking the ingredients and, I'm sure, imagining me sitting on a bench in the parking lot chugging tomato sauce straight out of the jar. Absolut Tomato?
"They probably cooked it out," I said, when she pointed out that vodka was listed as the next-to-last ingredient (after basil). "And, anyway, I'm not Southern Baptist, so it's okay for me to buy booze today."
That excuse never worked before, but I managed to get away with it today."