Again I bring you the goodness that is vivian_shaw. In today's post, she was lamenting her inability to deliver a proper cockslap - a skill that many, if not all, woman would be sorely tempted to use.
We women have no possible way to compete. All right, there's the boobslap, but that only works if you are one of those unfortunate women in National Geographic (motto: "Giving Prepubescent Boys Their First Sight of Boobies since 1908") who have worn tight fabric bands over their torsos for their entire adult lives, thus transmuting their breasts from firm, tight, supple globes into things that look like a deflated yam made of leather. Being slapped with a yam-boob would potentially convey some of the scorn and slight regard that a cockslap does, but it is still a dissatisfactory alternative.
So what I propose is that all women be issued a giant Nerf(TM) Cock Bat, with which to whack tiresome people into obeying. I'd totally bring it to work with me. Although while driving under the influence of illegal drugs, with underage prostitutes and illegal drugs in my uninsured vehicle, I would be sure to keep it in the trunk.
In the trunks.