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Me: July 11
sylvar wrote in metaquotes
rancourt has a phone number that's similar to the number of a doctor's office. But as he chronicles in this post, some callers don't accept that they've dialed a wrong number until he REALLY gets their attention...


I'm used to these calls, really. But not their tenaciousness and sheer refusal to accept the possibility that they're wrong.

You see, friends, our phone number is YZZ-ZXZZ. The number of a key doctor's office in the area is, apparently, YZZ-XZZQ. We often get calls for the doctor's office. It's no big deal. We give them the corrected number, and sometimes, they use it. Of course, since the doctor's number is the one they quote to us and insist we actually are, I guess it's easier to stutter a digit than I thought. They must be adding an extra 'Z' to the sequence, and dialing YZZ-ZXZZQ, to get us while thinking they dialed the correct number.

This morning, moments after waking up, I had a conversation with a particularly disinterested-voiced reception who was, frankly, insanely tenacious. She was convinced that I had to be wrong about where, in fact, I was.

DUSTY: "Mmmm...'llo?" *yawn*
RECEPTIONIST: "Uh...hello, is this the doctor's office?"
DUSTY: *Great. Another one.* "No, sorry, this is YZZ..."
RECEPTIONIST: "Are you SURE?"
DUSTY: *blink* "Quite sure. Really, it's kind of difficult to confuse my apartment for a doctor's office."
RECEPTIONIST: "'Cuz we have an autodial to your office number."
DUSTY: "I'm guessing your autodialer is wrong, then."
RECEPTIONIST: "Nuh-uh! We had it for years. They just redid everything yesterday."

Oh boy. Danger, Will Robinson.

DUSTY: "Ah. I see. Well, if they redid everything yesterday, maybe they redid it wrong."
RECEPTIONIST: "Nuh-uh. We had it for years."
DUSTY: "Ma'am, I don't know what to tell you."
RECEPTIONIST: "Well, I gonna try the number again."
DUSTY: "You do that."

We disconnect. Five seconds later, the phone rings. I answer it before the caller ID has the faintest idea what's going on.

DUSTY: "Still Not The Doctor's Office, can I help you?"
RECEPTIONIST: "Is this Dr. So-And-So's office?"
DUSTY: "Afraid not, ma'am. That hasn't changed in the past five minutes. I'd be worried if it had, because I haven't moved."
RECEPTIONIST: "Well, I KNOW this autodial is right."
DUSTY: "Well, I know I'm not in a doctor's office."
RECEPTIONIST: "Why don't you look around and see if Dr. So-And-So or Ms. FiddleDeeDee are around."
DUSTY: "No, ma'am. They're not in my apartment."
RECEPTIONIST: *exasperated* "Well, who IS around, then? I need to get this done!"

Gloves off.

DUSTY: "Okay. Hmmm. Jeez, what was I DOING last night? There are a bunch of goats and sheep in thongs...there's a wasted cabana boy passed out on my carpet..."
RECEPTIONIST: "Oh my God..."
DUSTY: "You're telling me! Must have been some party, I don't remember it." *rustle rustle* "I have a lipstick rainbow on my junk, and -- HOLY SHIT, the motorcycle's still in the bathtub!"
RECEPTIONIST: "I'm gonna be sick..."
DUSTY: "I dunno, there's some booze left. Y'want some? Hey, that l'il goat's kinda cute..."
RECEPTIONIST: "I think I have the wrong number."
DUSTY: "YES! YES! THAT'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, LADY! YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER!"
RECEPTIONIST: "I'm gonna hang up now."
DUSTY: "THANK YOU. You do that."

Five seconds later, while I'm still boggling, phone in hand, it rings. Again, insta-pickup.

DUSTY: "Um...hi?"
RECEPTIONIST: "Okay, I checked with Dr. Putzcranker and I KNOW this is the right number..."
DUSTY: "Baaaaaaah." *CLICK*

Ring, answer. Baaah. Click.

Ring, answer. Baaah. Click.

And now, finally, blessed silence.


"Dr. Putzcranker," genius. :-)

lol - that was classic

Haha..thanks for that. I needed a laugh today :)

I work in a Call Center at a Major University and one of the lines we get is the operator line for the University. Very many tenacious people call thinking that they have reached our crosstown rival. These people are as tenacious as Dr. Putzcranker's receptionist. I will have to file this method away for future use :)

In other words, ROFLMFAO!

Hey, that l'il goat's kinda cute..."

Best mess-with-their-mind line ever.

(Deleted comment)
Ooh rainbow lipstick
:D
Yay for silence!!

This is brilliance. Sheer brilliance.

Gah! I need to stop reading metaquotes in class. I almost got kicked out by the teacher :: grins ::

*dies* That was the hardest I've laughed in a while. Thank you.

good gods...what a moron.

*cackles uproariously* That was the best wrong number revenge ever! I should've done that the time I was staying at that hotel in London and the same Pakistani woman kept calling and calling insisting that I was the reception desk.

CPW: Reception?

Me: NO! NO, NOT RECEPTION! I'm staying in a room in the basement with a converted closet for a bathroom. I have to turn sideways on the toilet to shut the door so I can pee! I am NOT the reception! Dial 0! Dial 0! Dial 0!

*click*
2 seconds later...

CPW: Reception?

Me: GAH!

That's awesome. I thought it was just going to be a sarcastic-tell-off-on-the-phone kind of quote, and then it started to involve goats and sheep in thongs. Brilliant. XD

I couldn't let that go by without a quick-n-dirty iconing.

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(Deleted comment)
Too funny!

On the rare occasions I get tenacious wrong numbers, I start babbling at them in random foreign languages. Or tell them that I'm sorry, they really haven't reached their party, they've reached the Campus Crusade for Cthulhu, but if they're so insistant that they're right, we'd be happy to sacrifice them. They don't call back after that.

Hah, I love that. Campus Crusade for Cthulhu -- if your god's dead, blame ours!