"Sadly, during the operation, the good doctors accidentally replaced Jen’s heart with a Starbucks espresso machine. Horrific, I know, but true. *hysterical crying fit*
Jen, being a brave little woman who is a beacon of hope for all humanity, went bravely into world with only caffeine pumping through her veins. After about twenty seconds of attempting to survive this way, it became clear that one cannot live with an espresso machine… where a heart should be. This is when Jen called me.
Jen [dying]: LAUUUUUURA! OMG AM GOING TO DIE, LIKE WOAH!!
Needless to say, I burst into tears. Could it be true, that Jen was dying like woah, whilst on the cellular phone with moi!?"
The whole thing is hilarious, as is missandrony's matching report of offstagelines_' death.