Swanky, newfangled cordless phone : $50.00
Monthly telephone service : $30.00
Answering said telephone using famous bits from the movies/tv and other assorted silliness : Free
Hearing a telemarketer stammer "W-w-what?!" into your ear after you answer the phone with "City Morgue. You stab 'em, we slab 'em!" in a cheery tone : Priceless.