starcat_jewel (starcat_jewel) wrote in metaquotes,

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Meta-meta: If Jesus were played by Johnny Depp

It all started out here. Then things got grumpy... and then irreverent... and then whiskeypants came up with this gem:

exactly. can you imagine christianity then?

jesus: arrgh, love thy mateys!

and then of course the ten commandments

1. Arrgh! Aye, I be the Lord thy Captain, which have brought thee lads and wenches out o' the land o' Egypt, out o' the gaoler's house. I am thy captain, thy first mate and thy cook.
2. Aye, thou shalt not carve any image of anything tha' may happen in the captain's quarters (argh, but thou can whittle and spit as ye like)
3. Bayst thou loyal to thy shipmates or ye'll be made to walk the plank.
5. If thee think to call me by name unless thy purpose is to worship, ye'll be made to walk the plank.
4. Aye on the seventh day, ye'll do no wenchin' or wrenchin'. If ye shirk yer duties all week, ye'll be made to walk the plank, but if ye perform duties on the seventh day, ye'll be made to wear a frock.
5. Treat the whore that begat ye and the bastard who sired ye to a pint every Thursday.
6. Aye, and if ye kill a shipmate ye'll be made to walk the plank.
7. If ye tumble another's wench, ye'll be made to walk the plank.
8. If ye plunder another's treasure, ye'll be made to give it back and wear a frock.
9. If ye betray yer shipmate, ye'll be made to walk the plank in a frock.
10. Argh, do not wish for yer shipmate's cabin, yer shipmate's wench, nor his cabin boy, nor his other wench, nor his rum, nor his cutlass, nor any other thing that is yer shipmate's.
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