same planet, different world (lookingforwater) wrote in metaquotes,
same planet, different world
lookingforwater
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Ahh, tech-support

How crisiks loathes thee.

UPC-Guy: "Is your computer on?"
Cris: "Yes." [While quietly wondering if people really do try calling from not-behind their computers.]
UPC-Guy: "Okay. Open your browser, and type in [this one site]."
Cris: *does so*
UPC-Guy: (after a minute) "And?"
Cris: "It's still loading."
UPC-Guy: "Oh. And if you try [this other site]?"
Cris: *does so*
UPC-Guy: (after a minute) "And?"
Cris: "It's still loading."
UPC-Guy: "That's rather slow, isn't it?" [No shit!]
Cris: "Yes."
UPC-Guy: "Okay, go to Extra, then to Options, and delete your cookies."
Cris: *obliges, despite having done that already. Because he's wacky that way.*
UPC-Guy: *after having determined that no, still a v. slow connection, let's Cris jump through various hoops of checking IP's and LAN's and whatever. Finally:* "Do you have Windows XP?"
Cris: "Um, yes?"
UPC-Guy: *lets Cris do the same routine again, this time with slight XP-variations.* "Well, everything seems to be in order. What lights are burning on your modem?"
Cris: "Let me check." [See, our computer is in the attic, but the modem is standing downstairs, because of, um, reasons.] *has checked and returns, having descended and ascended two flights of stairs* "Connection and Internet are burning, but Data is blinking. Very slowly."
UPC-Guy: "Sorry, what?"
Cris: "Connection and Internet are burning, but Data is blinking. Very slowly."
UPC-Guy: "And which lights aren't burning?"
Cris: *burns calories* "Test isn't burning."
UPC-Guy: "Sorry, what?"
Cris: "Test. Isn't. Burning."
UPC-Guy: "That's impossible!" [What the fuck do you think I'm reading off? My effing blender?] "What's the brand? Motorola? Sony?"
Cris: "Lemme check." *returns, slightly out of breath* "It's a Terayon TJ710."
UPC-Guy: "Can't you take the phone with you while you're checking?"
Cris: *refrains from yelling that if I had had a freaking cordless, I would've done so, you-seemingly-under-the-impression-that-I-have-no-brains-asshole!* "No. I have a wired phone. I could call you with my cell, though."
UPC-Guy: "See, the problem is, I can't help you if I don't know what lights are burning, or what your brand is."
Cris: "It's a Terayon TJ710."
UPC-Guy: "You could try resetting the modem, though. Pull out the wire, leave it for a minute, and reconnect it."
Cris: *has done so at least six times already, but admits defeat.* "Fine, I'll try that. Thank you."
UPC-Guy: "Good luck, Mrs. [Cris-last-name.]" *dial-tone*
Cris: "Mrs.?"
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