Squeeful (squeeful) wrote in metaquotes,

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spiralstairs wonders what Jesus would like for his birthday. Friendslocked, qwp.

Hey, did ya ever think about what Jesus gets for his birthday? I mean, eternal peace and sense of mind is great and stuff, but don't you think he'd actually want something?

~Josh: So what're You getting me for my birthday?
~God: Well, I was thinking of having you die for everyone's sins again.
~Josh: What?! Aw, come on, dad! Can't You get me a cat or an X-Box or something?
~God: Joshua, we've had this discussion several times. I don't want to have it again.
~Josh: Last year, Simon got a yacht, Matt got pirate gold, and Tommy got to have a jam session with Peter Gabriel!
~God: Judas didn't get anything nice.
~Josh: Judas is a twat. He doesn't deserve anything nice.
~God: Me DAMMIT, Joshua! You will die for everyone's sins, or so help Myself, I will ground you until the Third Coming!
~Josh: Why can't I do it later?
~God: Because the last time you said you'd do it later, you didn't get around to it until April!
~Josh: NO, I did it in March!
~God: I don't care when it was. That's your birthday present and I don't want to hear about it again.
~Josh: Joseph always got me nice things. He made me a wooden pony from his own two hands!
~God: Wooden pony My Divine Butt. I could get you the horses of Helios!
~Josh: Then why don't You?
~God: Because you're an ungrateful little shit! Why don't you run off to join the Hindus while you're at it?!
~Josh: Maybe I will! I'm going to go put on a turban and get a job answering the phones for Microsoft! I hate You!
~God: (very silent)...Hate is a strong word, Joshua.
~Josh: Well, I do! I'm going to go live with mom! *storms out of the room*

God realised that maybe He was being a bit tough on his son. After all, he was only two thousand and four years old. Later that night, when Josh was in his room (House was a re-run), God went to his son with plate of oreos and milk. As Josh twisted the oreos open and sucked the cream out, they had a nice chat and God told him he could die for everyone's sins later. Then they went to go watch Josh's tapes of The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones and when the twenty-fifth rolled around, Josh had a very nice birthday. He got a Nintendo Revolution, a talking cat that could do the Jitterbug, and he finally worked up the courage to ask Maggie out on a date.
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