I've decided that in this upcoming year, an Alexander/Hephaestion in '04 T-shirt is called for. I'm not talking about the pairing, chipmunks; I'm referring to the presidential election. Neither the Democrats nor the Republicans have really got it right, so I'm going to support the Macedonian party of the United States in next year's election: Alexander for president and Hephaestion for VP! The facts that I'm the only member of the party and both of our candidates have been dead for over two thousand years doesn't faze us in the least. Our campaign slogan is "India Won't Stop Us This Time." That may change, as I'm beginning to worry that the American public doesn't like to have to think about things; "Greek Is Chic" might be a better option. It doesn't have to do with anything, but it rhymes, and plebians like that sort of thing.
Of course you're asking, "But Mali, why should we vote for a candidate who will worry less about issues such as education and health care than he will about conquest and bloodshed?" The answer to that is simple: morals and traditional American ideals are unimportant compared to the promise of an attractive president who will show up to press conferences in a short toga.
Naturally, I'm not above backstabbing my own party, so if that T-shirt comes out all right, I'll also be making a Palpatine for president one. After all, the Sith Academy has made it quite clear that A Vote For Palpatine Is A Vote For Order