fes42 (fes42) wrote in metaquotes,

Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're Bang.

mom_almighty recounts a "no good very bad day" in the life of her son's monkey, Bang.

I nearly fell off my chair reading this.

Some of you are acquainted with Bang, the unblinking deaf-mute monkey that resides in our house. His name used to be Gum, but BW, upon achieving the ability to speak, decided that was unacceptable and changed his name to Bang. Bang is now in charge of keeping balloons and other beloved objects "safe" when BW goes to bed at night, a task he usually accomplishes from the comfort of the Chair Of Apathy. So anyway. Yesterday, Bang had a Very Bad Day.

Yesterday morning, while performing (with valor) acts of service for his household (including such risky maneuvers as holding a balloon and smiling), a cat came along and peed on Bang's head. Now, we all may complain about the bad days we have occasionally. I have a cold, my child won't sleep, my husband is driving me crazy. But seriously, unless a feline has actually come up to you, squatted on top of you, and urinated directly onto your cranium, how much have you got to complain about, really?

Bang, keeping his cool as best he could, was then tossed unceremoniously into the washing machine and, subsequently, the dryer. Though he came out smiling bravely, a quick physical inspection showed that somewhere in the cleaning process, the washing machine had, quite literally, torn him a new one. Bang was then thrust under the surgeon's lamp where he was given a 4th-degree episiotomy. The procedure, having been performed by an apparently incompetent amateur using no anesthesia (Masa), was done incorrectly (don't ask), after which the stitches had to be carefully removed (read: ripped out forcefully) and re-sewn. Adding insult to injury, BW went public with Bang's tale of humiliation by shouting "Cat pee on Bang!" at random passers-by. Luckily, most of the general public has no idea what this means, and simply smiled at the malicious youngster.

To his credit, Bang endured his harrowing ordeal with grace and dignity, never uttering a word and keeping a smile on his unblinking face the whole time. He returned to work this morning, albeit with a slight limp.

The point (and I do have one) is that I think perhaps we ought all to take a moment and be grateful, amidst the chaos and fury that is our daily lives, that at least we're not Bang, the poor bastard.

QWP, of course. And it's her first metaquote, congratulate her would you?

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