Phil (the one people think I like and loves to egg them on): Jess, why are you being so mean to me?
Me: I'm not, you dimwit.
Phil: SEE? We used to get along.
Me: Uh, no we didn't.
Phil: Yes, we did. I know we did, 'cause we're still friends. You're just mean to me. You're abusive. I think it's an expression of your love.
Me: What love?!
Phil: You're so in love with me it's sort of sad.
Me: !! I AM NOT.
Phil: Which is okay, because I'm totally in love with you, too.
Me: SHUT UP, YOU'RE SO STUPID.
Andy: *keeps laughing and giving me looks*
Phil: Look at how you treat me. This is ridiculous.
Me: You're right, this is ridiculous.
Phil: Whatever, I can't take this. This relationship is over.
Me: WHAT RELATIONSHIP?
flocked post, quoted with permission