I got a much-needed haircut today.
While I was sick I grew an accidental beard, and once she'd finished cutting my hair Wendy-from-Hair-Police decided to do things to the beard, on the basis that whatever she did, I'd still get rid of it in a couple of days. She wound up turning it into an extremely sinister Van Dyck, which has the effect of making me look, well, extremely sinister. I now look like the sort of person who, when the hero says "but -- but you promised that if we did what you asked, you'd spare the Earth, and, and we brought you the girl. Dammit, you promised!" nods thoughfully and says "I lied," as he reaches out to press the red button marked Press Here To Blow Up Planet.