We are aware that we do not have the candy you seek. Nay, to first get this candy, you must first pass the 3 trials! Trial one: Defeat the triple headed minotaur whore of Bargemmn! Trial two: Deliver a child who yea, their very soul lays upon a fate that we are not to let fall into destruction. Trial three: REALIZE WE DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING CANDY YOU WANT. When you finish all three trials, you will be a better human. No, you don't get the scepter of divine eyes, but hey, we think that a job well done is its own reward.
more here, in customers_suck