"Dear Mother Nature,
I love you dearly, unfortunately, there's a problem.
See, I don't like your ex-boyfriend, the US much either. I know he's been rather abusive to you in the past, and I could understand that you want to trash his car. However, doing so by driving it into the front of his house, repeatedly just isn't cool.
As such, I have been convinced that you are, in reality, a psycho hose beast, and am therefore breaking up with you.
Also, that restraining order that you're about to receive? Doesn't mean I don't still love you, it just means that you scare the ever-loving fuck outta me, and I don't want you near me. Or my car.
Maybe if you see a counsellor and resolve these issues that you, and your girlfriends Kat and Rita have, we'll get back together. until then, be safe, be good, and please don't hurt me.
Public entry, quoted with permission.