"Going for breakfast with my father today, I was subjected to the hovel of mediocrity that is Ricky's All Day Grill. Plastic, affected knickknacks strewn across the walls in a vain attempt to bring an air of uniqueness and authenticity to yet one more soulless and bland chain restaurant franchise, wherein greasy, fattening food is served to paunchy suburbanites and their degenerate offspring. Moronic small-talk and worthless banalities loudly falling like verbal droppings from their slackened jaws, revealing minds so dulled by reality TV and the drive to conspicuously consume that the last spark of lucid thought probably packed its bags and left their heads sometime in the mid-'90s. Breeders, well-accustomed to the "hands-off" approach to parenting so common these days, allowing their four children to run about in the aisles and constantly scream for no reason other than to hear their own voices. Geriatrics stumbling about, physical dementia displacing the willful ignorance of their younger peers, with only a certain brightness in their eyes bearing evidence to the drive and vigour now left in days past.
And, as my Freedom Toast and coffee was served up by an attractive, youngish waitress whose dead eyes belied the cheery, forced smile upon her lips, I too surrendered what pretenses of uniqueness I had and ate the manifestation of the disease of modern society with a generous serving of maple syrup and a side of bacon."