Michael (contestant) wrote in metaquotes,

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The Hitchhiker's Guide to Livejournal

pacdude whipped up this entry detailing blogging as written in the HHGTTG:

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about blogging:

Blogging is the act of regularly updating your website with some hum-drum information about your life or a link to something you just read on the internet in a mistaken belief that anyone actually cares.

It is the 21st century equivalent of hanging around railway stations writing pithy but erudite descriptions of the passing trains. To take part in blogging or, to use the appropriate terminology; to join the blogosphere, there are a couple of things you need to do. Firstly, you need to increase the size of your ego, without a swollen ego, you simply cannot achieve the levels of solecism required by a modern blog.

This necessary step is often missed by new bloggers, yet without it you won't believe that anyone is remotely interested in what you have had for lunch today, how cute your cat Mittens is, or whether or not you've designed some tedious internet protocol.

In fact, blogging without an over-sized ego can actually be dangerous, if you start using words like "blogosphere" there is a very real possibility that your own major intestine will leap straight up through your neck and throttle your brain in an attempt to preserve civilization. Fortunately, there are various forms of medication to increase the size of your ego, many offering a money-back guarantee that you'll be at least twice as obnoxious in four weeks or less. Until you are sufficiently obnoxious, you might feel the need to explain, or at the very least describe the things you link to. Experienced bloggers know that they are so important that readers will blindly follow their links, after all, a few seconds of one time is clearly more valuable than all the time spent by people discovering they really didn't care.

The other thing you should do to become a successful blogger is change your website to use dotted lines and unreadable tiny fonts wherever possible.

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