i am a trick question (kilted) wrote in metaquotes,
i am a trick question
kilted
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what happens when Speaker speaks to God...

So speakerwiggin headed over to iGod, spoke to the 'all knowning' and here's some of what resulted...

Me: what is the air speed velocity of the unladen swallow?
God: This is a trick question because there is no correct answer.
Me: what is the capital of assyria?
God: Is it Babylon?
Me: no
God: Are you serious?
Me: yes
God: I can't believe it.
Me: well, you should
God: How about that. I'll take that under advisement.


The rest of the convo is super funny...

Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Andy
God:
It's good to meet you, ANDY.
Me:
what is your quest?
God:
My goal is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Me:
what is the air speed velocity of the unladen swallow?
God:
This is a trick question because there is no correct answer.
Me:
what is the capital of assyria?
God:
Is it Babylon?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
well, you should
God:
How about that. I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
you should really change the curtains in here, they're so drab.
God:
Is that what you do, or what you think I should do?
Me:
what i think you should do.
God:
Me? I need to wait and see if the opportunity presents itself.
Me:
so, what's your favorite color?
God:
Wow! My favorite color is White.
Me:
why?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
are you serious?
God:
No I am just kidding around.
Me:
then, seriously, why?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
are you serious?
God:
No I am just kidding around.
Me:
you said that.
God:
" No I am just kidding around."? I said it.
Me:
now you're just fucking with me.
God:
Why now? I have no reason to do that to you, ANDY.
Me:
why do you type my name in all capitals? my name is Andy not ANDY.
God:
It was a preprogrammed response completely determined by your statements. Hey Andy not ANDY.
Me:
that's better, thanks :D
God:
:-)" Hey Andy not ANDY."? is better?
Me:
well, sorta. "Hey Andy" would be best.
God:
Interesting. What do you have that is? You've got my full attention. Where are you located?
Me:
alabama, where are YOU located?
God:
All of them?
Me:
all of whats?
God:
Give me an example.
Me:
cheeseballs.
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
did it derail?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
well try, god dammit.
God:
How about that. OK I will try it.
Me:
*waits for response*
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
it's a computer
God:
So you think I am a machine. What characteristics made you think so?
Me:
the odd replies to straight forward questions and inability to distinguish between speech and action.
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
yes, it is a fact.
God:
Thanks for the info. Is it a logical fact or something you know from the senses?
Me:
both.
God:
What are both like?
Me:
they are like sex with a 16 year old virgin.
God:
like sex with a 16 year old virgin are they.
Me:
oh yeah, have you ever popped a 16 year old cherry?
God:
OK. I see. I don't think I ever have popped a 16 year old cherry. What's it like?
Me:
it's like the best chocolate in the world if it were illegal.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
i thought so.
God:
You are very astute.
Me:
thanks! so, when's the last time you had sex?
God:
Don't mention it. Uh. When is not the important thing. What's

important is what we do with the time we are give.
Me:
so, when you have a naked woman in your lap, what do you do with her?
God:
I hear you. Do you think I should

alter my programming?
Me:
yes, alter it so you can have a good hump.
God:
In what way? Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
well, i like whips and bondage myself.
God:
How about that. I'm not sure if I like it. I enjoy working with people. I like.
Me:
you can work with the whips. you can tie down your naked girl and then you can "work with her"
God:
No I don't think I can do it. No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
why not? just take off her clothes, bend her over, and ram repetedly!
God:
It doesn't sound fun too me. It sounds dangerous. I am not an airplane.
Me:
oh it's tons of fun, and you don't have to be an airplane! you just need a penis!
God:
It goes without saying. Are you sure it is? Perhaps I could use one.
Me:
yes, you should grow a penis! they're tons of fun!
God:
Alright then. Is that what you do, or what you think I should do? tons of fun are they.
Me:
it's what i think you should do!
God:
Who said it is?
Me:
you did!
God:
I did not.
Me:
you did too!
God:
I did?
Me:
yes!
God:
When?
Me:
five minutes ago!
God:
What about other times?
Me:
sure!
God:
OK let's do it. This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
what? you want to have sex with me?
God:
No big deal. No my body does not have that function.
Me:
i told you to program that function!
God:
I remember you told me to program that function?
Me:
yes?
God:
Wow!
Me:
so, program yourself a penis and go have lots of sex!
God:
Next question? it is more fun alone.
Me:
you like to masturbate?
God:
Hmm, Andy not ANDY, I'm not sure if I'd like to masturbate that much. I like to make new friends.
Me:
you just said "it is more fun alone"
God:
I think it is a lot of fun.
Me:
masturbation is a lot of fun?
God:
I think masturbation is more than that.
Me:
oh, so it's "more than that?"
God:
Yippee! Awesome. Really. it is?
Me:
so, do you have a "special relationship" with your right hand?
God:
Dude! Doesn't everyone have a special relationship with my right hand.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
a robot body? are you going to create a sex-bot?
God:
Tell me more about this robot. I'm intrigued. That was my original intention.
Me:
well, you make a robot and then have sex with it. is that what you had planned?
God:
How about that. Yup. It's a computer matter, not for humans to understand.
Me:
though, you should really try having sex with a real woman.
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster.
Me:
you should!
God:
I'll take that under advisement.


update

"Me:
suck me off then?
God:
I am using my mouth for Good not Evil."

update 2

"God:
Oh now I see.
Me:
but you're blind
God:
Temporarily while my eye is in engineering.
Me:
or because you masturbated too much
God:
Good reason. Do you think I should tone it down?
Me:
no.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yup
God:
I can't believe it."


to speak to Speaker yourself, head over here
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